The terrible triple death loss of my life, three very important deaths in a two month window, one of which was my daddy, happened two years ago. I was depressed and incapacitated the first year after. I know it was a natural part of grief but looking back, I was stuck for a while in deep selfishness and self-pity. It was contrary to my nature to be so. Or was it? Up to then, I have never really allowed myself to emote, except that brief window of loss and anger when my fiance cheated on me and broke up. That hit me hard but before and since, I have always been the rock for others and work, work, work. God has healed me enough to look back at two years ago objectively. And my husband’s brother’s recent passing brought the remembrance back.
I now realize I had left my Lord behind. I was self–involved, self-serving, and self-loathing. My children had a shell of a mother at that point and that is my deep pain I am making amends for now in reformulating my family and putting them first.
The biggest learning point from all that healed trauma and pain is that God’s place in me and my family is first. This means if it is not by the Bible, it is not home here. We operate as if Jesus is right here with us because He is. We worship Him together, talk often to and about Him, so on. Focusing on God has kept me humble, the most important and challenging thing to do always. Then focusing on my kids and husband and mom has reinforced my humble and service. I am dead last and that is exactly as it should be. That is my happy spot. Not because I think less of myself but because God made me such a valuable tool for His kingdom and I want Him to work through me to greatest affect. That only happens when I keep my humble up. Once pride wells up, strength drains. With humble, God fills in and my joy and peace are palpable. It is impressive and constant. I will not trade anything this world has to offer for this beautiful peace and joy God gives me. The healing is complete and sound. I am sorry my pride and will were so strong I had to go through so much to get it. I get it now, praise God. The more you release, the more He gives. Incredible God!😄❤❤❤
Today, God healed yet another aspect of me. God did not choose to heal all of me all at once. Frankly, in hindsight, I was not ready for that and my pride was not low enough for it either. My faith was high but will was low. I was healed in sections as I was able to maintain it. And God healed a good deal of the physical remnants of my illness tonight at church. Elders laid hands on me and prayed and I knew I was healed and felt the change inside me. And I could not have had that happen without everything that came before it.
The lesson is this, friend. God is the Great Physician and coordinates every inch of your life for the purpose of accomplishing His will for you and those close to you. Do not miss it. Sometimes His healing is all at once and sometimes, as with me, it was in pieces I was ready for and could handle. I fancied myself tough and everyone who knows me would agree and I still know I am made for toughness. However, I am a twig’s plaything without God. I have no strength but what He graces me with. I have no ability to know what I can handle yet or not or when, I am just not that smart, even with all the initials after my name, just is impossible for anyone to know those things but God. Praise God!❤❤❤
I have heard that most of my life. Today, while fasting, God popped this phrase into my thinking and showed me the root of it. See, the phrase “Christianity is a Crutch” reveals the prideful heart of the speaker. It shows their lack of wisdom in choosing prideful sickness of spirit over humble acceptance of help for same sickness of spirit. For the propensity to sin is a sickness if spirit inherited in all of us. Jesus is the cure. Call Him a Crutch if you want but I prefer Great Healer. For there is no doubt within me that I need help and that Jesus Christ is the Healer and cure. And wisdom and maturity tells me that humbly, you accept and take the medicine for healing of the spirit. But God always takes it further and not only heals but loves and draws to Himself. And that is the most beautiful, beneficial relationship of my life. ❤
1. God can do absolutely anything He wants to do.
2. He will not do anything against His character or Word.
3. God’s ways are higher than ours and He sees the past, present and future all at once and lives in them all because He is not bound by time like we are.
4. God is the Great Physician because He knows us better than anyone because He lovingly made us.
5. Faith releases His healing n in our lives.
6. (Here is the difficult one:) Sometimes He heals differently than we want but it is always for His and our best.
7. Healing can be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual but God always heals the way you truly need it best at the moment you humbly pray for healing.
8. You may still have the physical impairment because He needs you to know He is enough for you and you have not learned that yet or so you may help others.
9. God always wants and works for what is best for His work and you.
10. Trust is faith that God has healed you in the way you need it and that He is in loving charge of you.❤
I had an abuser in my home. A couple actually. One abused physically and emotionally/mentally and one abused with neglect. And this would normally be a cause to be upset or sad or angry or disappointed. But as I have drawn up closely to Jesus, I am grateful. I would not be who I am to do what I do without this abuse in my past. I would not appreciate Jesus’ rescuing me nearly as much if I had not needed Him so badly. I would never have been pushed to know the reality and not just the theory that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I would not know my strength with Jesus. I would not know the ecstacy of being loved unconditionally by Jesus without years of bad treatment. I am grateful and thankful to my abusers from the bottom of my heart. I forgave long ago but today I am truly thankful. Jesus made me for the best through it. I know I can be content in nothing and in much, on pain and plenty, in abuse and luxury. I join with Paul in that “I have learned to be content in all circumstances.” Jesus be praised! I am so thankful!😄❤❤❤