Loneliness vs. Alone With God

I know a lot of lonely people. Some people get married because they don’t want to be alone. Some people tolerate toxic people in their lives to keep from being alone. People get depressed and mostly because they feel alone. Feeling alone causes sadness, grief, sorrow, hopelessness even. Loneliness is harmful, detrimental even.

The truth is that we are never alone. Lonely is a lie from the devil. Sometimes we are alone with God. We can only enjoy the benefits (peace, joy, love, comfort, etc) of God’s presence when we humbly open our hearts and line of communication with Him. The moment we do that, He rushes into our hearts to provide love and comfort and let us feel Him there. Yes, may be some time and prayer before a beneficial person is provided, but His spiritual presence is no less real.

Lonely is horrible and a lie. Alone with God is beautiful and the truth! You get to choose!!😄❤

Never Friendless

It is a shame whenever I hear of some people feeling alone or friendless. We never are alone and we are never friendless. That is a lie of the enemy. That is their M.O., what they do, all they do. Enemies lie because they want us dead or defeated otherwise. The truth of the matter is that anytime we humbly ask for it, we have a loving (and incredibly powerful) friend in Jesus Christ. God is always everywhere and with us always and will let us feel that when we humbly ask Him to and draw close to Him. He absolutely loves us and we are saved through Jesus’ sacrifice and nd resurrection. My daughter asked me to draw Jesus on the cross and I never will because He is not there. I serve a risen Lord. He is interceding on our behalf in heaven right now, on a throne in glory and power and love. We are still under His grace until He returns. Stay in His grace is my greatest advice. He is our friend. In fact, He us the greatest friend to those who are friendless, those alone, those suffering. His heart breaks and He is more present for them, more eager to be called upon and wanted. You are never alone or friendless. I am never alone or friendless. Reach out to Jesus. Hold on tight. If Jesus is andll you have, you have the best of anything or anyone you could ever possibly need or want. Jesus us the lover of my soul and my heart is full because of His love. Never friendless. Never alone. If you feel that way, it is your pride and the enemy’s lies you are fostering. Truth is this. You are never ever alone or friendless when you humbly pray to Jesus and draw close to Him. He is hoping you will. He died and rose to get that chance.

After the People Go

When everything is happening, I am distracted. I am focused. I am weapy but not falling apart. I am a put together mockery of fine. I have the all is well mask on. I am strong for those around me who might be hurt by what I am going through. I weep with those who weep but I am strong to keep people from weeping on my behalf. I would rather be happy than sad but if I am going to be sad, I want to be sad alone where it doesn’t give anyone else sadnss. There is simply enough of that in this world without me contributing. I will always be fine. I maybe alone and feel alone without my loved ones with me but I am never alone. I am a child of God. He is always with me because He is there before I get there, is with me now, and was with me the entire time. No one knows me better than Jesus. And when the pain of loss tears me down to my knees alone in my room after everyone sleeps and tears flow readily and abundantly from my eyes, I share that experience with the only One who truly gets me and loves me unconditionally and will never ever ever leave me. His love loves perfectly. His love does not throw away or abandon for a better situation. His love does not die. His love does not seek to tell me how to feel or what to do or criticize me or my tears. Jesus is the lover of my soul, my hero, my Father, my comforter in every way. So do not be sad when I choose to hoard and save up my sad places and only share them with Jesus. I am fine, I am OK truly with all my heart because Jesus loves me. I sang that song to Daddy as I held him in my arms and he went off to sing it in heaven. Jesus loves me. It is a song sung for children but is the strongest message in the universe. Jesus, God loves us. We know it to be true. He will never leave us alone. He will not abandon us. He always cares. There is never a moment He is not there caring. Because His Spirit lives inside us. Amazing love! Do not cry for me. Jesus is comforting me and I will be with Daddy again in heaven when He chooses to take me there. Until then I will keep busy serving Him and helping as much as I can and teaching my babies to love Him and love my husband. Do not worry. I am quieter because I am listening for quiet words of comfort in my soul. I am changed but I am stronger and wiser from the struggles. And isn’t that what they are for?

As I Walk Through Mud Alone, a Poem

As I walk through mud alone, I trip and Wade through its murky gloom

My Dad would carry me when asked, My love would offer me the moon.

And now I walk alone through mud, the rain beats down upon my head

And look before through crying eyes, I see beside the path a shed.

I enter, happy to be sheltered there, not knowing whose this shed may be

And Jesus was lovingly standing there, saying He built this shed for me.

He wanted to remind what I had misplaced, that He was the One I had forgotten 

And that no matter who was or was not there, I was never where He was not.

The rain, it stopped upon revelation, alone was I not ever or the future.

And sunny it was, and even if raining, I would have peace in any disaster.
We never walk alone. We may walk lonely sometimes without familiar faces, but we are never alone and God sends us who and what we need when we need it. Every time. Remember to spend time with the only truly faithful One. He loves us so much.

Praying Alone in Pain

Having recently lost someone important forever, I was reminded how fragile it all is. How we can laugh one minute and be shattered again St the rocks the next. And tonight, trying to recover from the recent blow, I am informed that my good friend lost her fight tonight. The car who hit her was also unexpected but recovery had looked so close but God thought heaven was a better home for her. And I loved her too. Also tonight while visiting my beloved Daddy, he didn’t know me, has been eating very little and sleeping a lot, can’t stay upright in a wheelchair anymore. And I am wondering just how strong God believes that I am or need to be. Of course everyone in the house is asleep and as I sit alone in my room, I cry. No, I weep. My heart mourns in sorrow and groans in grief. I am just a human being. I feel deeply. I am ripped to shreds. Just how humble do you want me, Lord? I do not doubt You, for You know everything and always what is best for everyone somehow, so much more than we do, but I am doubting the strength You gifted me with. I am doubting I can take any more of it. I am wondering how You will rebuild my brokenness, heal my heart. I know You understand pain. I know people were taken from you too. I know you felt alone sometimes too. I am talking to You knowing you feel me, you get it but not knowing anything else. So here I am to hold, Jesus. You are my only arms right now, Lord. I feel so tiny, so unimportant and I know You probably have a plan I can’t see. Again, I trust You. I will just shut up now and hope You hold me, Jesus. I need you.

Time Alone

I have forced some just me time lately, not time being mommy or wife or friend or musician but just me. I determined that I needed that, going through some things lately in life, lots of loss and missing people and family back home and bff hurting and daddy declining in health, so many things. I don’t think alone time is selfish or greedy and can pretty much in my case keep me sane and better in every way. So I took some, insisted even. I found out some very interesting things. Turns out, when I spend time alone, I always impecibly end up spending time with God. The s out He loves me despite me being me and I felt that. Second thing is that I really like me. I know that seems odd but when so much goes on, it is easy to get unsure, I secure, feel really ugly and discarded, feel really really alone, and it was an amazing and refreshing energy that rebuilt my heart and I realized that the me that God made is still there shining. I am still there under it all. Not the me people see, so perfectly crazy (OK, so I added the perfectly part) and strong in consistency while sweet. I don’t mean that. I mean the inner core, the fighter, the artist, the leader, the thinker and inventor, the mechanic, the doctor and healer and scientist, the lover of people. I am still there. I am not less for my wear but deeper. I am stronger with experience a d not damaged from it. And I thought how very thankful I am that God allows me growth because so many count on me. If I always had great things happen, I could never ever achieve this depth. God seriously loves me and this is why He allows badness in my life and I follow like a little rabbit down a hole. He allows it not because He is mean but because He loves me so very much. He knows I respect and learn from that which breaks me. The strong willed, and no one is more so, require God’s intervention to tame and break and develop. You break a horse to make that horse fit for service and useful. Evidently I am the horse in my Analogy. Lol Should have thought that one through a little. Ha! Needless to say, friends of mine, if I am teetering on crazy, please send me away to be alone. It is far better therapy for me than anything else on the planet. Praise God He showed me that!! He is so good!!

The Ugly Waiting

The hardest thing of my life, harder than failed relationships, harder than natural childbirth, harder than my miscarriage, harder than dealing long term with difficult people, harder than toxic people that force themselves into work or relational spheres, harder than the death of my beloved pets, harder than recovering from rape, harder than years of criticism, harder than all that. The hardest thing of my life has been hands down the ugly, long drawn out wasting away through dementia of my daddy. His body is still with me in bedridden wounded and lesser form, his words are hard to come by and labored, his mind comes and goes in dream or present states, he recognizes me but sometimes knows why and sometimes wonders why. The waiting is painful, like a torture for me, daddy’s girl. He has always been my rock, my hero, my strength, my constant supporter, unconditionally loving me, showing me that a man can indeed be faithful to a woman, my mom, against all odds, that a man can put much more emphasis on giving than getting, that eternal things matter much much more than temporal things, that strength of will and stealth of mind matter more than what people ever think anyone is or should be capable of, to fight for those things we hold dear, to believe this country is the absolute best country in the world. This man of such high moral value and such incredible strength of character and body is my daddy. The shell of him wasting away in the nursing home sometimes resembles this man and sometimes resembles a knife being thrust right into my heart. Pain was never so real to me that my whole body aches as what I feel with this waiting game. Visiting as much as I can for those moments where a conversation makes some sense, longing to share my world with him and knowing it is a shadow to him, somewhere in a haze. And it makes me wonder why God is waiting to take him home to heaven. Is there something else I need to do for him? Is there something he hasn’t worked out that I need to help with? Is his will stronger than his body is allowing and he doesn’t want to leave us unprotected? Questions stroll in to try to make sense in my mind of what is killing me to see. It is a mental torture to see someone you love so much in a trailing off, descending state. Physical torture would be easier to bear. That I could overcome with my mind. But this mental torture involves my mind which is too distracted to help much of the time. So I wait. I visit. I take the kids to visit. I sneak in his favorite treats. I love this man that reminds me of my daddy. I celebrate good days. I cry bad days, like today was. It hits me hard every time, a reminder of what is gone forever but still hanging on somewhere on the way out. I smile for people so they don’t worry about me. I laugh. I don’t want other people to hurt over my pain. But writing it here expresses it so it doesn’t keep eating me. Maybe someone else needs to cry. I will cry with you. I am crying with you. I am waiting ugly with you. You are not alone. I have to remember I am not alone. Feels like it though. God helps those who mourn. I attest to that. It’s true. So I am not alone. Neither are you.