Most nights now, I sleep like a baby.
Tonight I am still awake at 2:30am with my thoughts and songs.
And I made peace with my past yet again.
And I realize that without the devastation, I would not know myself so well. I would not be so strong and realize it fully.
So much more importantly, without the horrible, I never would have known the enor ity of the love of God. I would never have known the vast depth of His comfort. I would have never fully comprehended that if all I ever had in this world was Jesus Christ, I would be perfectly complete.
So, having completed that very precious truth in my brain, I will now go to sleep. Peaceful and full of joy.
God is everything. All is well. No worries. Ever.♥
During the day, I am very busy. This is an extremely busy season of our lives. I keep busy, I have no choice. But at night, alone and quiet in my bed, the rest of the house asleep and dreaming sweet or weird dreams as they may. That is when my wondering happens. Right before dreams come to me, I have thoughts. I wonder about all kinds of things. Some are beautiful and good, magnificent and praiseworthy things. Some are dark and mysterious, bordering on temptations. And this is when I have to stop the turn made and double back to good again. I cannot do this on my own. The Holy Spirit in me is powerful enough to tame my rambling mind and kick out what was kicked out hundreds of times before and reverse direction to godly wonder. It is not for me to choose what to think about, it is for me to contritely obey God when He said to think about things that are good and honorable and praiseworthy. That was commanded. So I need to constantly check my thought wondering and especially at night when it is hardest, obey God with the powerful help of the Holy Spirit. He helps every time I really want Him to and convicts me when I don’t. What a gift He is!!❤❤❤
So I found out recently that a long lost friend of mine took up playing piano. And I was curious, so I checked it out and saw him play on a video. For someone who used to play drums in our band, I was super impressed he is shining on my instrument after only a month. He is either a natural or really passionate about playing. Either way will get you there and I am so very happy for him. I am sure he doesn’t even consider me anymore, maybe forgot my name even by now, but I was happily surprised by his accomplishment and hope the Lord uses that to bring joy to his life because he seemed very unhappy.
So a discovery sometimes is a welcome surprise that inspires and is often a mixed bag because it brings to mind remembrances and missing people. So like the kids’ song says, “Be careful, little eyes, what you see. Be careful, little hands, what you do. Be careful, little feet where you go. For the Father up above is looking down in love. Be careful, little mouths, what you say.” It is important to consider some discoveries as “That’s nice” moments and move on. Too much rumination does no good. Might sour things. Food for thought. 😄❤
When I am weak, and I realize now that I always am, I take up humility, admitting how little I really am in the scheme of things. And when I put that humility on, I am doing something admittedly and undeniably stronger than most people of the world. Their pride and ego rules them and makes demands of their conscience. Humility realizes that God will have His way no matter what and puts me under His will alongside Him. The really clever part of all this, the weaker I am and the littler I get, the stronger God makes me in His kingdom. And the part of that that is most incredible to me is not the irony of it, not the juxtaposition against the world’s ways… it is that the almighty God of the universe loves me and wants me with Him. Wow. The children’s song “Jesus Loves Me” is the most incredible truth of the Bible and how deep His love is was proven by His death, burial and resurrection. And God loves every person He made the same. Even really horrible people, even me who was among the worst of them. Even me who screws up now, knowing this. How little I am and how amazingly big He is. And I truly reverence Him, respect Him, love Him. God is everything that is best and most important in every capacity of life in the universe He made. How incredible and deep this truth is. How my mind loves to dip my toes in the surface of it and watch the ripples of it wash me clean again. How precious and tender is our Almighty Creator. How little are we, especially me. It makes Him even bigger. God is so good!❤❤❤
Thinking about my life’s journey has been a repetitive occurrence of late. I have wanted to leave no stone unturned in confessing forgotten sins I have gotten away with or just have forgotten and maybe didn’t even realize at the time. And overall I believe my life has been like everyone else’s in that I have done really great things and have amazing memories and I have been pretty much scummy also at times. I have said beautiful words that have inspired and I have said careless words that have cut people to the quick. I have told the truth and I have lied. I believe this is everyone’s story with just the details different.
For my part, I am ashamed of the sins in my life and am truly sorry for them. And I wish I could go door to door and confess but I don’t know where all over the world some moved to or last names now or whatever so have to rely on God to help them forgive me.
But I praise God where He has given me grace and mercy. There is no sin too little or too great that His grace cannot cover it with His forgiveness and purify us with His blood. He is perfectly capable of restoring our souls where we are at our level. And He can and will restore our souls in heaven someday soon. And all the regrets and sadness of people lost and loneliness and hurt and every ugly thing will instantly be forgotten and us restored to full life in our incredible Jesus Christ. And that day is soon and I long for it for my family.
At the same time, I have sadness for those left behind. It will get harder, much harder, when that happens. And I want everyone to be saved, as God also wants every precious soul saved. He loves us oh so much.
So, I guess my thoughts on my past are really a distraction. I am made right by God through the sacrifice of Jesus and I have a job to do now. So onward I go and keep moving forward and someday it will be moving up. Praise God, everyone. Praise Him, friend. I thank Him for you and remind you how greatly you are loved and considered precious!❤
I get lost in deep thoughts, profound ponderings, all of various themes and levels of depth. And just as my mind is verging on a solution to cancer or world peace or even more important the salvation of souls, I am interrupted with “Mom, I am hungry” or “Where are you?” Or “I need you”. The shallow needs of life my family wants from me, wants to live in. My son will delve into the depths with me sometimes but the exception rather than the rule. The shallow has always bored me, wasted my time, broken my visions, torn me away from meaningful to menial. Most people, I find, prefer shallow, fearful of the deep somehow, fearful of their ideas sounding weird, not understanding that the deep remains eternally while the shallow will disappear. The deep is everything. The deepest deep is God. I want Him. I want to delve into deeper understanding.and worship. This is never boring. This is what it is about. Everything is God. It all should be about and for Him. I am caught in His deep. ❤❤❤
I am a studier and appreciate of people, mostly because it impresses and amazes me how unique and detailed people are and how incredible God is for making every person so beautifully on purpose with love. But anyway, I love to know what people are thinking because it is fascinating. And so I am sharing my thoughts and maybe someone will reciprocate on their blog and I can be amazed and enjoy learning something new. So, here I was sitting here alone in my bed in the dark and quiet. I hear the clock ticking, cars fly by on the highway in the distance, an occasional annoying night flight on a pretty loud airplane or helicopter, birds who must have a nest of eggs or baby birds tweeting in the tree close to the house. I am just beginning to (for the millionth time) wish I lived in the country somewhere and not so close to the city. And out of nowhere my thought travel instead to the sheer beauty of the day, the pleasantness of the breeze, the feel of the sun as it burned me today, the beauty of our yard as we are landscaping and planting, the magnitude of my love for God and my family, the greatfulness I have of my callouses, knowing I can work hard for my family and for God. And I feel so very rich. I do not feel alone as I am in this big room. I feel rich and free and alive. God has freed me from my many sins- they are gone. My mind is clear and clean and at peace. I am joyful again. I am grateful and not selfish anymore. I am blessed to have my kids work alongside us now. ❤