Pondering Singing/Songwriting

I have written literally hundreds of songs, lost count many songs back at 352. All with different melodies, all catchy, though very raw. Ridiculous amount until you realize I am now 45 years of age. I had one boyfriend who wanted to read and read my songs and listened to some. He was the only person. Some I published, some I recorded professionally in CA at Michael C. Ross’ studio, some I played as specials for church, some are still being used by churches for worship, there is one Easter contata, there is one rock ballad, etc. I once thought I was supposed to take these songs and share them myself with the world on stages across the country, concerts, themed evening, praise and worship evening, be a recording artist, etc. I really thought I was supposed to do that. I wondered why else God would entrust these songs to me. All this I call phase 1.

Phase 2 was give up mode after trying to get going on it and never being heard by the snobs in the music industry. They won’t even listen and are so n lazy they want a finished product before even considering a listen. What would I need them for then? And churches not even considering a free concert from a fellow Christian with references that prove my sound doctrine and heart to encourage with truth and so forth. No’s were everywhere, except a few published songs that went nowhere, so I gave up. Maybe I was wrong about being a singer/songwriter. Maybe I sucked at it. Very brief career over.

Phase 3. My songs read like a deep, moving journal, full of hope and pain, truth and phases of life. I believe many of those songs were a gift from God to sort out the worship and praise amidst the pains and horrors of my life. I have been through a heck of a lot – as most of us. But the songs show God working me through the difficulties with an ever repeating theme of how He is worthy and brought me through it thr best way possible. He may have given those songs to me as a live gift to help me put and show me love through healing.

Enter phase 4. Now. The present. I don’t know what if anything will happen with these songs but I am about to play a newer one in church this Sunday and wish to share them as needed. In the meanwhile, I am appreciative for them in my life. They are a loving gift from God for whatever reason He gave them to me and I am very grateful. And I will see where He leads me with them. And I will record in our home studio and play around with them over the summer. You never know what can happen in a day. I am willing to accept no or wait or they were just for therapy or go or whatever thr Lord wants. He is the boss of me. I am willing to obey Him whatever that looks like.

The takeaway: God’s gift to you is for a reason He knows. He may share that with you or may wait until later, maybe even heaven. Don’t worry or fret n or give up. Accept that He knows best and just be ready and willing to obey. God sees the heart. 😄❤