Our band brother was a passionate, wonderful drummer who loved drumming and was great to work with, our friend for 8 years. He married a selfish, narcissistic woman who made him quit the two bands he was in with us, church band and our band, and made him quit our church and disassociate with all of us. Recently, I found out she also made him sell all his drum kit too, and I am certain that was his therapy in dealing with her and life in general. This is an extreme example of a selfish spouse. She doesn’t want a life partner nearly as much as a servant or slave for life. It is pathetic and horrible and definitely not God’s design for marriage. In fact, masters are not even supposed to treat their servants so poorly. Ok, so I am writing this for two reasons. Wil, if you are out there, we all in your band family feel your pain and love you and believe in you both as a person and a great drummer. And people, when you marry, know that the other person matters as much as you do. You are to share love and respect and honor and support each other. Build each other up and not put them down, most especially their God given gifts because you will be punished for doing so. Love each other as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This self-sacrifice (not self-ishness) characterizes a true Christian. ❤
In a world of selfishness, lest we fall into that hated narcissistic trap, we must be sure to remind ourselves and our children that other people still matter. We will not revive them to humanity and our Maker God by ignoring or acting spitefully go these sad ones who think the world revolves around them. Only love changes these hardened hearts. That doesn’t mean we cater to their demands while bowing low and allow them to treat us horribly. It means we can bow low in secret and say a prayer for them. We also can say no with a smile in love for them to have a chance of realizing their behavior is unacceptable. Maybe they keep being obeyed so think it is OK to be a bully jerk to people. Maybe we can help by helping them without it being one of their demands or giving them an encouraging word or note and perhaps make them think. Perhaps all of the above or perhaps all we may have a chance to do is smile or say a quick prayer or be polite and nice. The thing is to remember that these people are in need of love, in need of God, lost. People with God are humble and nice and treat people like they matter. So that is our job, no matter how we are treated. Maybe we can plant a seed to selfish ones and God can use that. You never know. But always best to do our job and He will reward us for trying to help His lost baby.
A man who prefers intangible objects such as photo-shopped and plastic-filled naked women (and men- creepy) on a tech screen to satisfy his desires rather than his real tangible wife, willing and available in their bedroom, is extremely selfish and sinful. His mate is left unsatisfied while he self-gratifies to fantasies. This man does not understand and appreciate the amazing and real woman he already has and how much she loves him. He steals his spouse’s sole right to his sexuality and constantly stares at doctored and touched up fantasy women his wife can’t possibly live up to. It sets everyone up for failure. The wife who should be loved feels robbed and betrayed and like a failure and ugly and depressed. A godly man is willing to dispose of fantasy images that demoralize his wife and really all women and just be satisfied with his real tangible loving wife. Why is this so difficult? What is wrong with these perverted men and perverted society? Have they swallowed the lie that temporary gratification is more important than long term relationship? Are their temporary fixes more valid than their life long commitment to fidelity with their spouse? Why is this difficult? Why on earth are so many people okay with this, even in the church? Why is there silence when so many women suffer? I have a lot of wounded, ungratified, despondent women friends dealing with this atrocity. People say it is fine. I assure you it is not. They say it is no big deal. I assure you it is. (If it were not a big deal, it would not be a big deal to stop either.) It is heinous and narcissistic to the nth degree. Morons throw away the sacred and precious diamond they possess for the tease of tarnished silver. Narcissists care more for their selfish whims than the spouse they should love. Man up. A real man wants only his real wife. We all make mistakes and we all sin, but you choose whether to live there or not. Imagine Christ returning suddenly and you are knee deep in porn. Do you think you would like the outcome of that? Do you think He would say, “Well done, you gratified yourself at your wife’s expense again quite nicely”? You do realize He sees everything you do, right? Of course there are many sins to take your pick of, but this one has struck a nerve lately. Satan uses this one particular sin to destroy families and devastate trust and break covenants and so it is very dangerous, though supported by our evil society. So, I guess the question is if fire is all around you except for the one narrow path you are on, will you jump into the fire with all the other idiots and be burned or try your best to stay on that safe path? This is the choice that must be made. That is truth. Truth is what God says, not what society promotes.