Since enduring a lot of stuff in the last month or two, the deep decline in my daddy’s health, loss of a two very loved friends, homeschooling, band changes, new cleaning jobs, and other things and regular duties of taking care of our house and kids on top of all that, I have discovered something life changing about myself. I absolutely have to talk problems out, say them out loud to a trusted friend, for them to end up making any semblance of sense or improvement. I have to write or talk and it is annoying and too much for the listener but as it comes out, it formulates into organization. And as quickly as I learned this truth about myself during difficult and personally painful times, I learned something far more valuable and important. Even when all the pieces come together to give me a why and see the full story, there is not one thing I can do to change it. And here is a step further, even when. I do not have the whole picture, it is because I have the wrong perspective. I am looking around at the problem. God has a bird’s eye view, He sees it’s entirety all atonce, knows how it goes. Not only that, He knows the entire story before and after as well. So He sees in past time, present time and future time all at once. And because He also loves us, He wants to and can help us. He only wants for us to stop thinking we know so much and stop being proud long enough to ask him for help. And He also knows what part of it all we should know and be given as we go in order to not feel overwhelmed or many other emotions that might invoke a deleterious response from us. He is our HeVenly Father as well as God. Just let that sink in and soak in it a little bit. Humble prayer is the bridge between Him helping us and us struggling in our crazy. It is a choice every person makes for themselves.
I have found myself of late within a series of difficult events, fighting new battles within my mind. Throughout, I have navigated the rockiest of shores with a wide range of careful triumphant precision and something akin to trying to wrestle a live goose into a large pot of broth while blindfolded while crying like a chef who has just chopped no less than 100 raw onions. So, somewhere in the top!er coaster that has been me, I blew by my giftedness and focussed on, well, me. Disturbed by narcissists worldwide, I realized I was in very real danger of becoming one. So, what I can only call a revelation from God, just entered my mind. I have two things to use as tools in not becoming someone I hate or worse God cannot use. One is the biggest most powerful tool in the universe… the power and wisdom of the Holy Spirit, God Himself. Amazing! Grasping my problem with a firm grip and shaking it loose from me with a ferocity that rivals a lioness protecting her cubs is God protecting me when I ask. He is my powerful Heavenly Father after all. I am His and He is mine. Second tool is the gift of perspective of a sound mind naturally seeing the big picture. My innate zoom out camera in my mind. I had borrowed a friend’s attention to detail and fixated on the little nuggets that I generally, when true to self, would never have given the time of day. I had let go of who I was, the crazy, zany, wise one I was cut out to be who rises above the now and easily breathes in the big picture. I saw how tiny my own problems were compared to thousands being martyred and worse now, politicians as corrupt mob bosses of old, morality being plunged to negligible levels in the country I love the most, and so many other problems worldwide. My little issues are tiny specks compared to these things. Yes, they still matter to me. Of course, I love very very big and am passionately tender hearted so feel the recent losses in my life vehemently, but I cannot live there for there is much to be done. There are many hurting. If I live in my own hurt and get stuck there, who will be there to help others who are hurting? And who can help them best than someone who intimately understands and can empathize with their experiences? Oh how I would tie my own hands and God’s work through them if I gave in to sorrow and depression? What good would I be? Who would love these other hurting people? Whose hands would God use to heal them if not mine? And it hit me, I had given in to the temptation of selfishness and distraction and I refuse to give up my freedom to such petty things. So, here we are, arriving together at this momentous crossroad in my life. No doubt prayers uttered on my behalf brought it to fruition so I thank you dearly for them. And off we go, me with jobs to do, taking care of my family and home, serving others with my kids, visiting shutins and bringing them joy, being a part of the world again. No more protect and preserve mode. I have better things to do. I will save my tears for the onions.
My goal is to help find the forest through all the trees. Sometimes, we need someone along side us to lovingly say, “It really doesn’t matter.” For instance, I was asked not to play the piano for a church one time because I was wearing shorts. They were very modest and clean, but that did not seem to matter. That is one of an enormous variety of examples where it really doesn’t matter. The big picture is that if souls can be saved, do it. If God can be lifted up and glorified, do it. What people are wearing, unless it is immodest or provocative in any way, doesn’t matter. What someone drives doesn’t matter in the big picture. What color or lack of it their hair or nails are really doesn’t matter. So, in the big picture, what matters? Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so. Jesus matters, especially where His love for us is concerned to provide a way to be saved and restored to our great Creator God and live with Him in perfect form forever. This life, in all of it’s little details and meanderings only matters insomuch as it leads us along that big picture path. The big picture path, silly from worldly perspective and down right narrow minded from many many perspectives, is really all that matters. We need to be saved and restored, we can be saved and restored and Jesus is the way to do it. That is it, folks. It doesn’t matter the details in the denominations or the details of the paint colors of the church. If you aren’t looking at the big picture with all of us fellow Jesus Christ followers, there can be no unity or revival we so desperately need. If we share and spread the simple big picture path, we will see the right changes happen to restore us to God, and in doing so restore our country to its former glory. Where the Christ followers go, so goes the nation.