Tribute to Getting Over It

There is a major difference between forgiving and getting over it. You can forgive in your heart from the deepest part of you and still retain that pain for a long time. You can heal from grief and still cry on a dime for a very long time, depending on the closeness to the lost and depth of your connection, history and heart. But here is a tribute to Getting Over it. Not sure that can be done by humans without God’s help or hope, but we can get to the point with His help that we can live the remainder of our lives free from the prison of pain and grief. Of course new ones will come, some stay from a different source perhaps, I mean it is life on earth and not n heaven yet. However, we can remove one burdened cloak and leave it on the road and keep walking on. And this is a tribute to that ability and glory to God for seeing fit to help me with it when I asked. Years and years have passed and now freedom in that area has arrived. Feels very much like Les Miserable. What a powerful thing to have one less burden to bear! Praise God, burden lifter!!!😄❤

Flashback with a Side of Peace

Today at church, for some reason, my mind flashed back to my Daddy’s last moments on this earth before he went off to play and sing in heaven. That day is etched into my heart and I feel everything, smell everything, remember everything. I arrived and he had started heavy breathing. No pain. I sat on his bed and kissed him and said I loved him and hug Jesus for me and ran my fingers through his hair and sang “Jesus Loves Me”. I kept repeating the same song because honestly I could not remember another lyric. It was the only song I could think of. And I sang it for about 20 minutes and he had such a relaxed look to him and then stopped breathing. And once I knew he was not there anymore, I cried for about a year. But I look back now that I can with just tears and not crippling depression, and I see God’s peace and blessing there. So many things in my life I did wrong but that moment, I did right. It was a beautiful, meaningful moment. I, who loved him most in this world, loving him out, just us. Just daddy and me, what I had always wanted. God gave me that. Thank you, God. Please hug him for me. ❤

Not Knowing

I just watched and listened to Red sing “The Dance” on the Voice. https://youtu.be/B50LXIoetlg I rarely ever get to see that show and enjoy everything but the back stories and commercials. (If they sing the song magnificently, you can feel their back story, but that is another blog post lol.) But I digress. The thing is the song reminded me that if we knew things would end, would we go through with it if it was going to end in a huge loss? I wrestle with that a little bit. Do good times for a while make up for a steep drop afterwards? Do great memories make up for the loss of a loved one? And I suddenly felt great appreciation to God for not letting us know everything. I am thankful to not know what is next (except heaven, I am glad to know that is coming up). I believe even more that God blesses us by withholding the future. We are who we are and hold beautiful memories we would otherwise miss by living the exact journey we walk, rest and run. Our journey is beautiful not just because of the good memories and good decisions but moreso because of deep blows we overcame with God’s help. I am happy not to know. I am thankful for every dance. ❤

Many Hours at the Pool

The biggest reward for cleaning mom’s house and taking care of her, other than the satisfaction that is present, is that her clubhouse has a huge pool and other grandparents have kids that swim there. So there we stayed for hours of fun at the pool. We are a golden tan now and are exhausted but these are the memories you hang your hat on. These are new good tech-free moments with family that make you feel amazing and you remember as the good times for when things get rough. God gave us good memories there with Grandma/my mom and with her pool. Thank you, God!❤❤❤

The Lost Birthday

So my very good very loved friend and band brother that abandoned us for a psychotic, controlling female lacking music interest (horrific!), has a birthday in two days. We miss him. Makes me remember all the gigs, the great times, dinners, years of making beautiful music together. All a wash. This is the birthday in 2 days that is now lost, a wash, we cannot even talk yo him to wish him aw happy birthday, much less take him to dinner or give a gift. Well, just realized I still have one female creature to forgive and I thought I had gotten everyone. Lol Ah well, people make their own bad choices in life like I do sometimes, I guess. It affects everyone, so please take care and slow into decisions that devastate so many. And when you do have something great going on, please treasure it emphatically for you never know when a psychotic creature (I will forgive in a minute, don’t worry) will change everything. Love you. Hugs! ❤