On Why Some People Choose Evil and Uncooperation

4 factors: 1. Level of Selfishness. 2. Level of Brokenness. 3. Level of Maturity. 4. Choice/Free Will.

Some people are just selfish and most are broken in some way. Our brokenness can be used as a stumbling block and/or excuse to do what you want for yourself to get your own way because it is all about you. Or. There is a better way. The brokenness can yield understanding and depth of character if one is humble enough and mature enough to learn the lesson and grow from it and grow close to God who can help. 

The first group of people will never change until they decide to. And if we need to protect ourselves or children from them, then we must. The second group of people are the most beautiful and intriguing people in the world. ❤

The Place of Acceptance

The Lord has brought me to a new home in my soul, a retreat of acceptance. There is a maturity, forged by intense, deep suffering, longing, loneliness, forgiveness, then acceptance. At least for this moment, I am certain and feel warmly thankful that God has brought me through the worst of times. It only took and year, and that sounds like a lot but some people carry it around forever and self-education to ease the burden of it. I feel and am very blessed to be here right now at this new residence of acceptance. And the effort and tears are well worth the process because when God solves the matter, the cleansing is intense, thorough and deep so it lasts forever. No baggage to carry around anymore and when I realized it this morning while walking and talking with the Lord, I could not stop crying thankful, joyful tears of relief. It is beautiful. Thank you, God!❤❤❤

Growth

I looked back today at how incredibly far I have grown/matured/learned in the last couple of years. And I was struck at how far God had to bring me and the extremes He had to use to get my attention. I honestly had not admitted or even believed I was so prideful and stubborn. I had taken care of myself (in my eyes) for so long that I did not see that God had taken care of me all along. I trusted myself and now trust God. I had taken pride in what my hands made and did and now take pride in what God allows me to do for His glory. I had been addicted to technology and wasted time on it for self-glorification and laziness and now I use my gifts to bring glory to God. This humbleness is God’s greatest and hardest won achievement in me. It took a journey of death and separation, of dread and loneliness, of depression and mourning, and now this glorious light of God pours out of me. I want to worship, love opening my Bible and reading it as truth in love, love meeting with a church family, there is nothing better than fostering this relationship with God on a deep, spiritual level. Everything else works itself out. It is passion, a fire relic by God and now used for Him. I am so thankful. Praise God Almighty who draws us to Himself in any way we let Him! Praise Him for His ceaseless, tireless love for us to continue pulling us to Himself and keep giving chances with such enormous grace! Praise God for never letting us forget His love and blessings on us! Praise God for truth and hope and being that! 

Security

Being actively involved in the process of my mom working through my dad’s illnesses, including dementia and strokes. Finances had to be changed, titles had to be changed, Power of Attorney had to be assigned, social security had to be worked through and with, daily tasks of caring for him before the nursing home had to be performed, and it was all I could do at times to keep breathing much less homeschool my kids and care for the dog. Then when mom broke her hip too, my mind is still recovering I think. It was constant, ruled my life or what there was of it, everyone suffered I normally cared for. Now that the nursing home is covering dad’s day to day care and meds, etc., there is more time to enjoy visiting him and less to break the back caring for him. I hated the nursing home idea at first but now I see its value. But the point is not all of this about nursing homes, the point is that unexpected things happen in life. Life is constantly in a state of flux and things happen. These things are sometimes tests, sometimes punishments it seems, sometimes horribly limiting for whatever reason and when all of these things happen, security is shaken. You become uncertain where you were once certain. You question whose name things are in, not because of wanting control but just in case things happen like they did to mom. What if becomes a big question, a genuine, serious question and not a hypothetical. You wonder what you can be sure of. You ask more security questions in other areas, other relationship. You want to know standing, understand meaning, know your place and significance. When you don’t receive answers, you instantly have a choice to make. No answer becomes no security just as certain as a day off is short. Security now, see, means so much more. There is weight to the supposition. There is reality that has been experienced. You have crashed already and do not wish to relive that crash if possible. So security in my life has taken on a whole new level. Safety and security and risks are all important aspects of a real workable life and I am necessarily needing these things. Without assurrances and answers, I now see an expedient withdrawal wise. Without security, I do not feel safe anymore. I never cared about that pre-crisis. I was content to fly by the seat of my pants and wing it most of the time, loving the freedom of that. Now, I need security above that, the importance of things has shifted. And I see that as a point of sadness at times but also as a point of maturity and thankfulness because I can learn and be taught and apply that to my life to make it better and help more people in return.

Fighting and Tumbling into Spiritual Maturity

There are some who seem born with this innate spiritual maturity, who seem to have it all together and often make sure you realize you might not be quite at their level as yet, which ironically gives hints that they may also not be to that level either. Some of us, like myself, sort of fight and tumble and fall into spiritual maturity. I have many many scars through the years, all made in attempts to figure this stuff out. However, I was extraordinarily blessed by a loving Grandmother and Aunts who love God tremendously and walk with Him and found it important to pray for me. Because of them and God’s generosity, I can say with all my heart that I am just a little girl who loves God and walks with Him and is learning and growing as we go. I believe that is the absolute highest level of spiritual maturity we can ever hope for. There will never be a red carpet or trophy in this brief stint of time we are precariously living in because the world, run by the enemy, promotes prideful ego and self love and promotion. Humble people get their reward later, but the reward is eternal so is much more important and worthy of effort. The absolute ethereal beauty of humbly walking with God into spiritual maturity is that He drives the bus through the throngs of obstacles on the road. When you begin to realize that we are too little to control the weather, we allow our polite God to come in and calm the storm. See? He controls the universe still. He is Master,Creator. He can every time where we can’t without him. He holds the world in His hands where we can’t always keep our laces tied. God is great and good and knows everything where we forget our glasses are on our heads or lose our car keys. Which of those people would a mature person pick to handle things?

Life Purpose

I believe I am officially maturing because I see things differently. I see life as a series of challenges and maneuvers, pains and triumphs, all for a purpose, all on purpose, all to do something. What is that something? To worship and serve. Who? Ourselves? Nope. God. Why not ourselves? Because we are the created. When the created individuals attempt to serve themselves, they try to force something unnatural. We serve the Creator because He created us, if for no other reason. However, there are so many other reasons, all of them distinct and perfect aspects of His nature and character. We see evidence of this in His other creations- ourselves, nature, animals, birds, spectacular dramas of volcanoes, power of oceans, vastness of galaxies and His patience in dealing with us who wish to worship ourselves. So many reasons to do what we were meant and designed to do. So many reasons exist to worship God and not us. So many battles may be unnecessary when we relent our own passions in pursuit of the passions of God. What an epic and glorious journey!

Out of the Ashes

When a volcano erupts, it causes death and devastation in vast quantity. However, after the allotted time, things grow back and are stronger and healthier and more beautiful and it is said that volcanic soil is some of the richest soil in the world. How can this be? How can such destruction cause such beauty? The God of the universe ordained it to be so. He knows that beauty rises from ashes and ordered that much harm can produce much vitality because the soil can only gain much needed nutrients when it is added to. And the result is a much stronger more meaningful and brilliant life. We go through our own destruction in our lives, sometimes of our own making and sometimes from outside sources and it kills our souls, though our body often makes it. However, after the allotted healing time you can rest assured that the restoration process produces within you a much wiser and more beautiful and vital you. After the fact, and there is always an after, you are less shaken and more understanding and much more capable of a person than you were for whatever task comes upon you ever after. This is how it is supposed to work. To bring it about is not always automatic. Some internalize and pity themselves so they are stuck in the destruction and not stronger through the restoration. The difference between those two is conscious choice and faith in God. When we can not see past the pain, we must put our trust in the One who can.