This excerpt from the thoughts in my head is in answer to a question posed to me by one of my single friends. I am answering everyone because it is the most important question you ask… what should I look for in a potential husband? And I will be blunt and candid, as I usually am. Now, the qualities of the potential husband are vital but emotional self-control while answering them objectively is absolutely essential or you’ll make up great answers on a good day and want to run away crying on a bad one. If you can not remove your emotions enough to answer objectively, now hear me, wait to answer them until you can. If you rush into these things emotionally driven or too quickly, most of the time you will declare that you made a mistake. And who you marry isn’t just to be within God’s will to have sexual intimacy now, the guy will be the leader of your family until you or he dies. So, if you complicate the relationship with sex too soon, the decision becomes impossibly hard to make objectively. We as women are connected to whoever we allow into our bodies, regardless what other lies are out there. It matters. Guys don’t always feel it like that because it is a more external thing for them so if they are not covenantly committed to you and don’t have that mandate to love you and honor you forever, they probably won’t. All that aside, let’s get to the meat. You want a man that is reliable, who is where he says when he says to the best of his ability. Of course, he must love the Lord and study his Bible and have a prayer life, which shows his quality of character and purpose and honor. A man who doesn’t have time for the Lord is either too proud or an idiot and you do not ever want to marry a man full of pride or an idiot. I say idiot because fool may seem too harsh to some. Moron is a good alternative. Why? A guy trying to live this life with his own strength doesn’t have a clue as to either the fleetingness of life or the enormous hurdles it will throw at you in life. No one without a personal relationship with God through Jesus will survive death. He who does not know this is either very short sighted (which you don’t want) or a fool, I’m sorry, I mean an idiot or very proud, and that is no goof either. Next criteria is that he has to be nice, kind, compassionate and courteous. I don’t mean he needs to be a girly man who cries and all that garbage, but he needs to see with Jesus’ eyes the needs of those around him and do what he can to help. Why? Integrity. You want an integral man. Next up is financially responsible. I do not mean rich. I mean that he tithes and can pay all the bills. If he can’t take care of his finances alone, how on earth will he ever be able to take care of a family? Kids are expensive, and if you haven’t thought of a future with kids, you might not be ready to marry yet. Next, and this is huge, does he behave the same in private as he does in public? Is he the same when no one is looking? Do his words match his actions and visa versa? You have to decide this through careful examination and prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit. You must know this answer before you say “I do”. It is easy to be fooled, especially when the person is fooling himself or really good at being good to get what he wants. I don’t mean to be creepy but the reality of life and my own experiences dictate I add this. We Christians often think the best of people and tend to excuse or laugh off little indiscretions and with such a huge decision, we should not. If it’s a small problem now, it will be a big one later. Next, he must be someone you respect. If he is unworthy of your respect, it will be very difficult for you to fulfill the most important obligation you would have as a wife. These are the most important things I can think of. The big thing is to pray, read your Bible every day and listen to the Holy Spirit, who will guide you. If there is anything that makes you doubt, ask God if that is your own fear or the Holy Spirit’s warning. I hope this answers your question and reveals to you the levity of this decision. It is huge and must be thoroughly analyzed and not just felt. Feelings can lie to you so be careful. God will lead you the right way. If it is too messy or stressful, probably isn’t right for you. And if you are no okay being single, you won’t be okay being married. Get your self in order with God first and you will have a happier forever after. 🙂
There are many reasons I married my husband and many more than that keep me married to him. One is the commitment we made to each other. There is this clause “through sickness and in health,forsaking all others, even as we both shall live”. We are one entity, united by God and together forever. That is only one reason, and while it is enough, I wanted to explore further why even without that I would still be married to this man. My husband is thoughtful. I mean by this that he thinks about what I may need. I had been on my own for so long and made my own money that I still am hesitant to ask for things, but he offers me what I need when I need it and thinks of these things and provides. So he is an excellent provider through his thoughtfulness as well as his career. Secondly, he loves and trains the children alongside me. As a mom, you cannot imagine how wonderful it is to be supported and helped in raising children by your stronger self, your spouse. It makes the daunting task much less daunting and shows all of us love. A third reason is that my wonderful husband wants me around. This is a beautiful thing!! It is always nice to be wanted and loved after four and a half years of marriage, growing in fellowship and respect for one another’s presence. What a gift! Fourthly, he speaks my love language. I recommend the book The Five Love Languages if you haven’t read it yet. My husband is willing and does regularly show me love how I feel most loved, which for me is quality time, and I am happy and eager to show him love the way he needs it, through acts of service. And lastly for now, because you have to end somewhere, my husband encourages me in the Lord and in our prayer life. He does not neglect the spiritual matters of the heart so we have a depth in our relationship which few can boast. There is immense power in being both physically united and spiritually united in Christ. We read and discuss Scriptures and pray together, and that is beautiful. So, this amazing man I am happily married to has some down sides, but we all do (I have more than my share), but I believe where one of the partnership is weak the other is strong and in so doing we are stronger together and more useful than we ever were apart. That is what is supposed to happen, so thank you, God!! He is so good! And thank you ,Steve, for loving me so well!!