Today was horrible. I will not lie. My husband woke up in a really bad mood and then it got worse. Last night was no picnic. And it is all culminating on him right now. He has lived with guilt and blame and unresolved issues so long he is now literally paying for it. He is angry, moody, passive aggressive and rightfully so after a fashion because we are dealing with and paying for termite annihilation, a broken van door, and PIED while doing house renovations on the back patio and two gigs this week and one just finished from the weekend. It is a lot for any person, and such stress and punishment brings a rawness of temper. And of course I and the kids are the closest things to lash out at.
But is that really understandable and normal? Is it OK to be a jerk when paying for past and present sins you are busy denying exist? God is not One to be fooled. He sees and knows everything. You can lie to yourself so long and other people so long but God sees. He awaits that humble, contrite heart coming to Him for love and help which He freely gives. Then He wants change for your sake. Until then, I prayed for consequences. Be careful what you pray for. But I am with the Lord and ready. I am tired and am giving up on frustration. As such, I am now praying for all of it. I am being the humble one and admitting I cannot do this alone and refuse to be frustrated another day. So I give up. I have no control, perceived or otherwise. I can do nothing alone, I freely admit it. My meaning, identity, lifeblood, spiritual gifts, abilities, health, strength, oxygen, everything is completely dependent of God. So of course is every event and situation of my life. I can control nothing. I can want another person close to me to get help and repent, as it hurts everyone close to them as well as themselves, but I cannot change or soften a heart. Only God can, and He knows what it takes to soften and correct another soul He made. Of course, it is always their choice ultimately, but God knows them best and can help most if anyone can.
So, long story to say that I give up on frustration and will pray humbly and do everything I can do and give everything all over to God for His will to thrive. I want to and do decrease and Jesus Christ increases in my situation. And I will walk the path faithfully, even if God and I are the only faithful ones doing so. I will be trustworthy even if no one else is. I will be kind and encouraging even if everyone is mean and selfish around me. No matter, I give up frustration. I give it to God. And praise God for being strong enough to take it and work corrections and who knows, maybe miracles. ❤
I am a doctor of audiology. My job is to help people with their hearing and balance troubles. Most of the people who finally walked through my door came with exasperated spouses or other family members most of the time. I would find out the reason for the problem and give options on how to fix it. Now, it struck me odd at first that so many patients would have the information before them and still deny a problem, causing greater frustration to their loved ones and not doing them a lick of good either. And it came to me this morning that no one will ever decide to hear the facts or admit there is a problem or go about trying to solve said denied problem until THEY are ready to make that decision for themselves. You can not push a rope. There are times in our lives when you want so much to help someone you love. And there are times when you reach a frustration level second to none where you want to shake them and scream let me help you. And that person will just never decide to hear you or care about your love. This is so sad and so personal. We all are experiencing this on some level daily with lost souls or family members. So, what are our options? One is to leave, of course, which is why divorce rates are so high and people are estranged from family members. Another option is to force your way, which many people choose and even more bitterness ensues. The best option and the one I choose is to stay and be a quiet light in their lives. God loves us when we were the ugliest just as much as He does when we clean up very well. And if His Holy Spirit is in us, whatever He shows us how to do, we can also do. He empowers us. We just have to decide that that is that person’s free will right to accept truth or keep screwing up with lies after lies and they may never ever change their mind. However, they might with quiet love beside them and unconditional love around them. And God can help give opportunities and wisdom to say or do the right things at the right times for the right reasons. We must always remember that we are sinners saved by God’s perfect grace and there was a time we didn’t make good choices either. Be patient. Be love.
When things come down on you hard,and I mean hard, it is easy to let your pride stand tall and focus your attention on yourself or those problems. Our pride is our greatest enemy, greater than even the forces of evil because it is in us all the time. At some level, we need it to live with other people or we would never feel compelled to bathe or comb our hair or brush our teeth. However, this well meaning pride most often causes us to think more highly of ourselves than we ought. And that leads to narcissism and egotism and even law breaking to follow desires. These laws can be man’s but of course God’s laws are significantly more important. This pride says, “Poor me, comfort me, help me,”or on the flip side pride can even say, “I can handle this, I don’t need any help.” Both attitudes show a level of spiritual immaturity and ignorance because God works the opposite way. He tells us in His Word to humble ourselves and He will lift us up. This teaching is simple and clear, however, it is counterintuitive to our pride. When we fall on our faces before the Lord and acknowledge that we are unable to handle these things alone and that it is not all about us but about His kingdom and what He is working to accomplish and yield up our struggles to His capable hands, He picks up the struggles and gives us peace and joy and blessing and solves the problems in whatever way is best for us in the long run. He is so very good and so very faithful. When we have more than we can bear, if we are contrite and as God for help, He will always help. God can and will help the humble requestor. There is not a plan B when the plan A is humbly asking God for help. Things will start to happen and wounds will start to heal and the most desperate and rather impossible looking problems will work out in the best way for everyone. God can do anything with our faith and humble obedience and requests/prayers. It is the combination He likes the best.
If you are having a rough day, please know for a moment and the remember forever that you are unconditionally loved beyond your ability to understand by Someone who is greater than your ability to understand and made of Love. So, He fights for you when you ask Him to and He always wins because He is biggest and smartest and loves you like that. So, stop being frustrated and pray for a minute and give all those frustrations to the One not bothered by anything and ask Him to fix them and hold you and He will every time. It helps to see it if you turn off the distractions, but even if you can’t, rest assured He answers prayers anyway. You are loved. Calm down. Pray. Relax. God will fill you with peace. He is good.
Some days you do absolutely everything right and your dog still pees on the carpet. Sometimes you obey and have a great behavior day and your daughter still bites her brother. Sometimes you are the perfect Christian all day long as a neighbor cat still uses your garage door as a scratching post. It is just how life is. We may use our self control immaculately but that does not result in everyone else using theirs. That is the difficulty. This is why I look forward to heaven so much. There it is perfect everywhere. Wow. What an amazingly wonderful concept! But for now, we do have a few tools at our disposal. We have the Bible and prayer of course and of course the wonderful gift of the Holy Spirit in us. Also, we can decide to breathe in and breathe out, take five if we need it and count the blessings of the day. Even if twelve cars cut you off on your way to work and everything seemed to go terribly wrong all day, the sun still rose and you are still breathing and birds still fly through the sky and God is still in control. We can receive comfort in that knowledge. Chocolate helps too. 🙂