God is closing one door for me at our church. I would have, in the past, kept fighting for the door, banged on it, kept working for door rights. I am no longer that person. It looks like what past-me would have called a quitter or wimp or lazy, but new wiser me realizes there are more doors. I am certain I would be able to serve elsewhere if I cannot serve here. God has a lot of churches who need a good pianist and kids choir director. So, I will not fight this door’s closing but will shake the dust off my feet and will listen for God’s leading to point me to His choice of door for me. And may God make wrongs right in His time and provide for the great kids I have had the honor of training. Praise God for His knowledge of my next service appointment!❤
A lot has happened in my mind since Daddy moved to Heaven. My ex refused to bring back my son so I had to rescue him tonight. I spent time talking to mom about dad and plans and arrangements. My husband had a birthday today. I played piano for worship at church this morning and God provided strength through tears. I am preparing for my daughter’s sixth birthday party tomorrow. And I took my Facebook and Twitter links off my phone. I am feeling regret at being an extrovert because everything is sorted out in my mind out loud and I am not thinking clearly so have alienated some people and I am so sorry about that. I have lost three loved people recently, and with ex’s drama, I am quite certain there is not much more I want to handle. I want to become an introvert but too much time alone make me crazy, though some recharges me. So I am talking to Zach (nearly 11 now) and he gives me profound insight and wisdom. I asked where he got it and he said from me and God. Amazed, let me share his thoughts. He said that we all have a little door on our hearts and we decide how thick the door is and how big the lock is. You open up your lock and door to few people but those people left so now you want to change the door into a wall to protect yourself from more pain. He said I would not be happy if I did make walls because God made me love people. He said to pick one or two close trusted friends and open the door a little and then close it. I do not know what I did right with this boy, but I am so grateful to God for him. And I will be gradually taking his advice because he is right. There is much wisdom and depth there. So please be understanding and gentle with me. I am in harm’s way and must retract a bit to survive and will be back soon. Love you.