Daddy Reminiscing

I have now lost all my grandparents and my uncle and my Daddy. I only have my Uncle Tim left of all my fathers in my life. Of all my fathers, my best father and the best man of my life was my Daddy. That was up ’til God proved to me that He surpassed even him. Even the best man in my eyes that God ever designed and created is still one of the created and the Creator is still way better. So my Heavenly Father is my treasure, my Abba, meaning my Daddy. And He is worth every conversation about Him and time with Him. So I mourn less about my Daddy being in Heaven knowing that he is there with my Heavenly Father and I will see Him soon. ❤

Remembering Lessons from Daddy

Today was my Daddy’s birthday. I have been thinking of him a lot. I miss him. More than that, I wish my kids could have known him better. But I assembled a list of key facts and morality codes he lived by that will benefit them and anyone seeking wisdom.

1. Daddy always told the truth. He did not lie and detested lies. Yes, you have to face the consequences if you did something wrong but the consequences for lying are a slow death inside and misery along the way so far worse. Truth is always the right answer.

2. Daddy loved God, family and country in that order. No exceptions. Daddy would fight to the death for any of those and in that order. He was a junior high Sunday school teacher and church song leader, a faithful husband, great provider, loving father, and former Marine and lifelong farmer. This was proof, which you always provide when you believe in something.

4. Daddy was very generous and secretive about it. He loved anonymous gift giving and was quite sneaky about it. He saw more rewards for helping without notoriety or reward, knowing then that God gives greater eternal rewards in heaven. Pretty smart cookie.

5. Daddy saw black and white and had no time or patience for gray. It was right or wrong. Dismiss the wrong and live the right. No in betweens, no compromising the right ever.

6. Daddy loved nature. He tended his fields with a passion for their Maker and appreciated, knew and coaxed the soil and plants to perfection. He was an amazing farmer and loved nature.

7. Daddy sang like an angel. He was big and strong, had taught boxing in the service, ran and repaired heavy equipment, farmed, was tough as nails but always sang like an angel for Jesus. You use the gifts you were given. You just do.

8. Daddy put everyone first. God was first and foremost but everyone followed after. He never saw a stranger, picked up hitchhikers, helped countless people move, took great care of us and all our family members, helped out friends with car repairs, even after a double shift. If he could do it, he knew he should.

9. Daddy loved me unconditionally. He was the only one other than God. Yes, sometimes he disagreed with my choices, but he alway was there loving me, there for me, eager to provide for me, had my back. Always. My rock. My secure person.

10. Daddy was faithful to my mom. He is the only man I know of who has been. No porn, no cheating, turned off raunchy shows or even commercials, looked away at trashy dressed women, never even side glanced. He was faithful to her, even when she weighed over 300 pounds. Didn’t matter, that was his sweat heart and he loved her. Proved it.

So, I hope everyone sees the example of my daddy as one to follow as a human. Of course Jesus is a greater example, but daddy pretty good too. I am proud and honored to have been his daughter.

Happy birthday in heaven, daddy! I sure do love and miss you.❤❤

Well Over a Year Apart

I still miss my Daddy. Don’t get me wrong, I am celebrating that he is whole and happy and in charge of the choir or farming in heaven or something he loves. I know he is happy and carefree now and full of life and basking in the rewards he accumulated doing great things on this earth. No doubt in my mind at all. But in this shell, I still miss him. I am depressed no more, God healed me of that, but I still get very quiet now and again. He always had my back. He was one of a very few. He loved me unconditionally. I was his little girl and still am. So, I have taken on his oxe-like strength and greater humbleness and asked God to retain these reminders of him and it has been granted. I also sing better now and I think that was also a gift passed down, a blessing. I remember his eyes dancing every time I walked in the room and his enormous smile. God is my Daddy now and I am content most days and only when I am weak is it not enough. That is dumb though, because God loves me perfectly. I guess that imperfect love that is real is ok to miss sometimes too, though. It is ok. I am ok with still missing him. But I know I will see him, probably sooner than later, the way the world is pushing things along. I am ready. Be ready too.❤

Without My Hero

I am broken. I do not have my hero anymore. I have God who has stepped in lovingly and taken over his role as protector and daddy, hero and friend. But that is spiritual and physical, I have found, matters more than my mind tells me it does. I miss “I Love You” and chocolates and a stuffed animal on Valentine’s Day like he used to get me. I get nothing now, just doesn’t matter to my husband. I miss presents from him at Christmas. I miss hugs all the time from him and smiles that I was appreciated. Those I get from my husband sometimes but it is not the same somehow without that tone of love daddy had in his voice and ever ready ability to make me feel that he would attack anything or one who would dare sadden me in any way. I am not sure how healthy that was but I assure you it always gave me great security and comfort. He was concrete. I am now awash in the tides. Sometimes I feel I am clinging onto God and my huaband so strongly that I have concrete again. Sometimes, especially when tired, I feel like they are both far from me and I am loose and vulnerable. That is how I feel today. I miss you, daddy. I miss your secure love. Hope you are having a wonderful time in heaven, though. That comforts me. So happy for you. Sorry I am feeling sorry for myself here today without you. I am sure after a good night’s sleep, and considering tomorrow is my birthday, I will snap out of it soon. Just the current battle of my mind right now.

The Song of Missing

Daddy, I watched you go. You waited for me. I cared for you as you suffered, unable to care for yourself for two years. I helped keep you at ho e as long as possible, where you most wanted to be with your family. You came here. God sent you down because He knew you needed me to love you out. God knew my arms were the ones you needed around you to take care of you as the stroke and dementia took control of your life. Hardest decision of my life was when we finally had to put you in a nursing home. It felt like giving up but we could not do it all day and night every day and night anymore and my husband kids needed me too. I got lost for a while in the constancy, then I got lost in the feeling of giving up. I know it was the best choice as staff was always there and it was such a good place. But watching your mind go was so hard, Daddy, my Pilar of strength, my hero, my protector and Champion. I was your girl always and I miss you so much. Daddy, I know you are enjoying heaven and I am so happy you are whole and with Jesus. You have no frustration over being stuck in a bed. You are free and running. You no longer have the loss of your amazing singing voice. You are singing songs now better than anyone else up there. You are home in Heaven with Jesus. I sang you there and held you out. What a blessing you were to me all my life, Daddy. Thank you, God, for giving me the best Daddy in the world. I know Jesus is coming soon and I will see him when you decide it is time. I am so full of life and love and am as hopeful about life as full of tears streaming down my face. You are good, God. You were so good to me to give me as long as you did with the best Daddy in the world. Thank you.