There is an unwritten stupidity in many of our heads that prefers to stew and mull things over and brood rather than having a potentially uncomfortable conversation. However, quite often the other party is not even bothered by the matter or at the least most often not to the same extent. Yet we brood and suffer and pity ourselves and fester in a darkness of our own making.
So, I have opted from now on to have those potentially difficult conversations here and now rather than decrease the years of my life over them when it may be avoided. Better a moment’s discomfort than a long drawn out death over it. Tired of that. Tired of keeping it in. I was not like that as a kid, and by golly I am tired of eggshells. I will walk rightly in the fruits of the Spirit so as not to harm anyone but I will not puss foot around anymore when a conversation needs to happen. Now that is proactive for everyone’s good. So much negativity and energy can be saved if real eye to eye conversations happen. So much good is done that way. And here is my new manifesto… Keep moving forward wisely but with fruit (of the Spirit). I will do the right thing as often as I can, every time if possible.😄❤
Some of the best and deepest conversations I have had with my children were car conversations and not planned teaching moments. It is phenomenal what a captive audience will do. 🙂 I have a rule that unless it is a long vacation trip, we don’t use any tech in the car. That way they are looking at the world God made, taking in the sights, thinking, daydreaming, talking, asking questions. It is the best opportunity for conversation of a contemplative variety, my favorite kind. The kids are somehow very teachable in those moments or maybe it is that we are not doing fifty other things at the same time, just are driving and otherwise available. In fact, I will test that. I will make it a point to just stop everything and decide to pencil in one on one time with each child during the day, of course being flexible. But I want to see if I get that great conversation time at home also. I have already started to see my son “save up” important questions for me to talk about during our bedtime ritual. Each kid gets a book or a game with me, just us, and a prayer before bed. Those moments are meaningful and have always also been great moments for questions and conversations. So, I will study that. In the meanwhile, I will continue to treasure the car conversations. Never underestimate them. The car holds great power for this reason. Be ready for it and check it out.
In my heart, I believe I am someone who tries very hard to be good and do and say the right thing because I have been saved from death into life through Christ’s sacrifice and resurrection. I know the great amount of sin I am capable of and have been a part of, so I appreciate dearly the payment for my soul. I believe I am worthwhile and loved and important to God because He tells me that is true of me and everyone He made. He tells me that quite plainly in the Bible. From the unborn baby to the elder near death, it is true of us all. So, because of my appreciation and love back to God and His Son, I do my best to live in service to Him and others. Despite my best efforts, sometimes without really purposing to do so, I invariably serve myself instead. It is not wrong to live life to meet your needs or desires, as long as they do not wrong someone else or offend God by it, but when we try to do good and bad comes instead, I realize it sometimes too late. Sometimes it is quite unintentional and I do not even realize it until the offense has been made. Sometimes it was bad delivery of something good or sometimes the other person wasn’t ready to accept it because of something in their life. Most people have their own version of every incident or conversation. They hear from their mind and screen the words through its replays of past experiences. So, something supposed to encourage looks the opposite or a simple question looks like an accusation. I know I meant to help but it comes across the opposite. So now, when I pray, I ask the Lord for wisdom to say the right thing at the right time for the right reasons. I do not want to be misunderstood and kill my witness or relationship or whatever. I love deeply those few I let into my circle. Very few know how deeply I love, and I wish to be able to express that more for their sake and the Lord’s. I don’t want to be misunderstood. It hurts everyone. I purpose to be clear and accurate. I used to be very funny but clarity has become more of a focus to me because funny would hurt people sometimes and I don’t want to hurt anyone. So, though often I am still misunderstood because my mouth preceded my mind again, I always mean to help. I am actively working on this and just wanted to voice that.