There has been to now this heavy air pressing in on my soul. Hard to describe it any other way. My mind has cast out negative thoughts, evil and crude thoughts, accusations, and I know these are last minute attempts from the enemy to steal, kill and destroy what belongs to Jesus. And I have had to keep on it, stay focused in prayer, read the Word and verbally send those thoughts and accusations packing. The devils are liars. Just that simple. They are defeated and are putting out a last ditch effort to take as many people to hell with them as possible.
Stand strong in God’s truth. Stand firm. Pray. Read your Bible. Tell the evil thoughts and accusations to leave in the name of Jesus Christ. And some day soon, God will take us out of here and we will breathe heavenly air and never have to worry about lies and evil again. Praise God!!! Be ready!❤
Everyone I know lives on Facebook. I used to too. They use it for news, gossip, self edification, bask in their own goodness with it, I did it too. I quit my addiction cold turkey because some idiot female was trying to talk bad about me to my husband who decided life had enough drama and bye bye Facebook for a long time. And also, the timing fit because I was mourning the loss of loved ones and do sad better alone. So, in line with the decision, I deactivated my account. Later, it magically resurfaced. Interesting. So I deleted it completely. Low and behold, it takes an entire month to be deleted permanently and during that month the account is active! If I log in to deactivate during the long wait for someone to push a button to delete me, I reactivate it first and have to wait another month. It is really easy to pick up an idol to bow down to, one that tracks you and reads your stuff, but very hard to rid yourself of it. Rant over. The point is, I had a problem, an addiction to something and realize it now and will not go down that road again. I am quite guarded now who I let into my world. I am quite selective who is in our band family and who enters our home, who I tell anything to. It has to be that way. Few people really care anymore and that is a shame, especially when so many claim to love my God. People are wrapped up in talking to themselves and a machine that they do not know how to talk in person without being bored or in a hurry to get away and text so some else about it. Seems like a strange turn of events. I am wanting more than ever to go back in time and live without any tech at all. While yurt living with a raw vegan smoothie is not in my immediate future, I am wanting to run away from society to a small neck of the country and worship God with my family in nature. And that is where my heart is. Of course, we have some things to do here for a while. But someday, if I have my way, you will look and we will be a speck on the horizon headed for space and beautiful farmland to grow some food and breathe air. Maybe just a dream, maybe very real. God only knows. 🙂
Body language studies (taught to me in many classes in my field of study) teach that people instinctively gaze out of or glance at exits or windows or doors when they don’t want to be there. When I visit Daddy at the nursing home, I want to see him but there are no chairs and he is too weak to get up into a chair to be wheeled somewhere for a visit, so paying attention to my body language, I find myself forcing myself not to look longingly out his window. I want him to feel I am happy and comfortable to be there. I am. I love visiting him. But I feel guilty when my eye draws to the window. Lately, my eye is drawn to windows a lot. Maybe a restless part of life, maybe hormones (hey, I am a woman, it is always a possibility), maybe I am desperate for a vacation. Regardless, my soul is uneasy. And it occurred to me that it has been some time in all of life’s craziness since I had a few hours of dedicated time for God and I, some time alone with my Maker, a chunk of time. I think I have lost sight of the balance in life between bad things, ugly things, evil around us, buziness, fatigue on one side and what on the other? God is the only goodness great enough to balance out the badness. My batteries need recharging. Badly. And it has to come from my Maker because He loves me biggest and best despite knowing me deepest. As my earthly Daddy declines in health, my Heavenly Daddy is capable of holding me tight in his place. I need to seek hat out, claim it, make it my goal. Nothing else in life is certain at all, especially now. God is certain. He never changes, never has bad days, never weakens, never misunderstands, never refrains from forgiving, never ignores me when I go to Him, is never too busy to talk to me, never lis to me, never even gives me half truths, never keeps secrets from me unlss for my good not His. God is the perfect One, the ruler and inventor of the universe, all we know. He has the answers. He has everything. And He has me. He sometimes feels like the only One who wants me but He’s the only One who needs to. He is enough.
A common theme of mine because of its importance and truth and value for balance promotion personally is perspective. I lose it. I forget. Lately these perimenopausal hormones have me wondering about some of God’s decisions. Not His supremacy or superiority, don’t get nervous, but His decision to make a strong 41 year suddenly insane for a minute. Couldn’t crazy just wait until I’m too feeble to hold a gun for heaven’s sake. Lol All joking aside, I am suddenly with these crazy roller of a coaster of emotions I am rather famous for not having so many of, I have to force this big girl to shut up and listen to some wise counsel. That is this. Think. Breathe. Observe. You will find that a tall glass of truthful perspective will save you worlds of trouble. When your body is calling you to act like a person much younger than yourself, remember that all the experiences that got you here were planned and timed so you would know better right now. Lol There is absolutely nothing that happens in life that will keep you from breathing but God. Over reacting is hasty and foolish and a bad use of energy spent cleaning up messes. When you are in the batter’s box, your swing matters. When you are next at bat, no one gives a rat’s patooty about your swing. It simply doesn’t count for beans until it is your turn up at bat. Until that moment, you might as well get comfortable on clean up duty or fetching waters. That is truthful perspective. It is hard. It is very hard to hear some truths. But reality is very sobering sometimes when hormones got you acting drunk. Reality is what I need sometimes. Perspective and truth I always need, especially lately. I used to search through continents, through states, through busy crows when I was younger for someone just like me. Someone that got me, that understood, someone that could keep up with the crazy overflowing never ending workings and travels of my mind. Someone with all the same flaws that would not judge me or criticize me for every little thing, let me be myself. I realized that not one of us have that because God loves variety and is a very skilled designer. He makes no two snowflakes alike, no two fingerprints alike, no two people alike. But He Himself loves each of us, doesn’t judge us though He is qualified, loves us, gets us, so we can be ourselves. Wow. Someone, some precious soul mate, some perfect friend may be brought into your life and that is precious and rare. But even more precious and rare is the timing that must be perfect for that meeting to ever flower into a union. God knows what He is doing, though. There are no accidents and sometimes we just have to shut up, breathe, observe, and learn what you are on deck to learn. While you wash the dugout, you watch the ball. You study, you enjoy the game, you practice and train to be ready should you ever have a turn at bat. Then if that day ever comes, you are so ready for it. It is glorious. If you yell and carry on from the side lines, badmouth the ref, sleep, whine about having g to wait so long, you won’t be ready. And if that turn ever comes, you may be whining too much to hear the call. So, Me, who I am talking to here (I am sure y’all got this already but I am ever the slow learner), shape up and cut that noise. You have work to do. That is truthful perspective.