People say you can’t die of a broken heart. Sure you can. Most of the time it is not a physical death but it is a death of a part of your heart and soul. It creates a void when something was in there deep and now is fading to vapor, changed to a point unrecognizable or dead and gone completely. What you knew should be there, what has always been there as a part of you is not in a tangible way. Life is forever changed, the void is there. People say God fills that void. That seems to me to be very naive said by someone who mea s well but obviously never felt such deep loss. God doesn’t fill the void. Sometimes we need to feel it. Sometimes we need the pain to remind us how deep we can still feel. Sometimes we need to break open our hearts to be sure blood still flows there, softens us to build empathy and feel again. What God does is hold us through it. He is with us through it. That is no small task because while this ripping apart of the soul happens, we are not always ourselves, sometimes the roller coaster takes us to crazy thought patterns, irratic behavior, clinginess to those we think care or should care, crazy mood swings, crying one minute, laughing the next. It js far too great a burden for a person to bear, even though we sometimes forget that and try to get another person to help us i stead of God who is the only One big or qualified enough to do so. But the void remains. It will continue to remain. It ks like the new constant friend that you really hate. It is never filled. Some beautiful people can help distract you but when left alone again the void remains. And in memory of the love you shared with that person, you want that void, their spot, left there for them. You fight to remember. The scariest thing about loss is forgetting. It hurts like hell but would hurt more to forget the good of it, to forget why you feel such loss and pain right now. It is worth remembering. It is worth the pain to remember. I want to feel this. I want to cry. It pays homage to what once filled the now void. I was once complete. I was once loved by this person and happy. I was loved. I was important. I was precious. I will cry. I will feel it. I will live in that memory and honor. I will laugh when I can. I will remember forever. I will always always love.
I am too sad to write. Sometimes you just have to feel it. So stoked it is best for that to happen. Sometimes you need to appreciate the disappointments and regrets and faults and imperfections of life. Sometimes it is okay to cry and just be sad. Just don’t live there. Visit for it makes you human. Don’t live there.