Been very contemplative lately. Perhaps it is all the spring cleaning and fun (pool, park, friends over, library, etc.) Or maybe it is helping my mom with a lot of things she needs help with all of a sudden. Or maybe it was some recent bad news but for whatever reason, I have been more contentedly contemplative about my history.
There used to be people I could not shake, one in particular, no matter what I did. And fighting it seemed to make it worse. This history I had with this individual changed my life. However the symbiosis ended expediently and painfully so goodbye was aggressively toilsome and closure was an evasive flower always around the bend but never arriving.
History of this sort was my nemesis. I wanted to be angry but I am not. I wanted to scream but could not from the numbness. For years this followed me, tortured me, distracted me.
I kept praying. I began fasting weekly in September of last year and continue to this day. Always praying and talking to God about eliminating this history’s hold on me.
I realized today driving home that history is indeed history, or as much as it ever should be or can be. It is still a part of you but not a distraction from the present, not an impedence.
And that, my friend, is freedom. I am free now. It is God who gives freedom, I am convinced within myself. God is the patient giver of loving grace to free us from ourselves and make us so much better resultantly. I have this peace and joy from God I have not had for so very long and deeper than I have ever had. There is a tightness with God that I think cannot be had in any way other than His getting you through some serious hardship(s). God is so very good!❤❤❤