Today was horrible. I will not lie. My husband woke up in a really bad mood and then it got worse. Last night was no picnic. And it is all culminating on him right now. He has lived with guilt and blame and unresolved issues so long he is now literally paying for it. He is angry, moody, passive aggressive and rightfully so after a fashion because we are dealing with and paying for termite annihilation, a broken van door, and PIED while doing house renovations on the back patio and two gigs this week and one just finished from the weekend. It is a lot for any person, and such stress and punishment brings a rawness of temper. And of course I and the kids are the closest things to lash out at.
But is that really understandable and normal? Is it OK to be a jerk when paying for past and present sins you are busy denying exist? God is not One to be fooled. He sees and knows everything. You can lie to yourself so long and other people so long but God sees. He awaits that humble, contrite heart coming to Him for love and help which He freely gives. Then He wants change for your sake. Until then, I prayed for consequences. Be careful what you pray for. But I am with the Lord and ready. I am tired and am giving up on frustration. As such, I am now praying for all of it. I am being the humble one and admitting I cannot do this alone and refuse to be frustrated another day. So I give up. I have no control, perceived or otherwise. I can do nothing alone, I freely admit it. My meaning, identity, lifeblood, spiritual gifts, abilities, health, strength, oxygen, everything is completely dependent of God. So of course is every event and situation of my life. I can control nothing. I can want another person close to me to get help and repent, as it hurts everyone close to them as well as themselves, but I cannot change or soften a heart. Only God can, and He knows what it takes to soften and correct another soul He made. Of course, it is always their choice ultimately, but God knows them best and can help most if anyone can.
So, long story to say that I give up on frustration and will pray humbly and do everything I can do and give everything all over to God for His will to thrive. I want to and do decrease and Jesus Christ increases in my situation. And I will walk the path faithfully, even if God and I are the only faithful ones doing so. I will be trustworthy even if no one else is. I will be kind and encouraging even if everyone is mean and selfish around me. No matter, I give up frustration. I give it to God. And praise God for being strong enough to take it and work corrections and who knows, maybe miracles. ❤