God made me ambitious. He made me with a lot of gifts because He knew I would have more than the usual difficulties and problems in life, knew it would take me a long time of hard knocks to get through this hard, prideful, stubborn head of mine. He gave me the tools I would need but only recently have I gotten the message, after severe bouts of incredible heart losses and resulting depression. It took all that, sorry to say but happy now, to get it and know what to do with the gifts He has given me. My meaning in it all is Jesus. All my gifts are to use for Him and His people for His glory. Jesus is my meaning. All that was not to allow me to thrive and win and get and compete and fight better, it was all spiritual, all for me to be broken enough to realize those gifts/talents/abilities were for Jesus and to get me closer to Him. He loves us so much He died and rose for us. That is enormous. And He is God so He did not deserve it. He died to rise so we can live to eternity with Him. Jesus is my why. What a beautiful epiphany.