Most of the time now, I am myself again, an altered form of me. I laugh again finally but still not as much as I once did. I am joyful and peaceful and decide to be happy but sometimes I still miss him. He was my support system, and I guess it takes a long time to support yourself with God’s help rather than relying on your support system. I have my family and friends but no one can replace him. He was my encouragement when discouragement surrounded. His smile and approval were all I would need to take on whole armies. His strength was my freedom. Knowing he believed in me made everyone else’s criticism and disapproval bearable. Now sometimes I figured it out with God’s help but sometimes I still fight to not need or rely on those things. Maybe it will always be that way, the missing of someone I love deeply. Maybe it always comes and goes. I don’t know because it had never happened before. But I know that as I draw closer and closer to God, He provides more and more. As I worship Him, He makes me feel more and more loved.