Without My Hero

I am broken. I do not have my hero anymore. I have God who has stepped in lovingly and taken over his role as protector and daddy, hero and friend. But that is spiritual and physical, I have found, matters more than my mind tells me it does. I miss “I Love You” and chocolates and a stuffed animal on Valentine’s Day like he used to get me. I get nothing now, just doesn’t matter to my husband. I miss presents from him at Christmas. I miss hugs all the time from him and smiles that I was appreciated. Those I get from my husband sometimes but it is not the same somehow without that tone of love daddy had in his voice and ever ready ability to make me feel that he would attack anything or one who would dare sadden me in any way. I am not sure how healthy that was but I assure you it always gave me great security and comfort. He was concrete. I am now awash in the tides. Sometimes I feel I am clinging onto God and my huaband so strongly that I have concrete again. Sometimes, especially when tired, I feel like they are both far from me and I am loose and vulnerable. That is how I feel today. I miss you, daddy. I miss your secure love. Hope you are having a wonderful time in heaven, though. That comforts me. So happy for you. Sorry I am feeling sorry for myself here today without you. I am sure after a good night’s sleep, and considering tomorrow is my birthday, I will snap out of it soon. Just the current battle of my mind right now.

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