A Striking Disconnect

Between feelings and thoughts there is often a striking disconnect. God is healing my broken heart and my thoughts remind me how many blessings I have and how amazing God is and that my family loves me and some some adopted family loves me and my kids are healthy and happy. And I am very thankful. Then my heart chimes in telling me what loss I feel and how empty I am without the man that loved and raised me in my life and how sad I am that a few beloved friends had to die and/or move and way or abandon me and it still hurts. So my feelings remind me of lessons recently learned and the torturous processes gone through to get to the lesson and my mind is telling me to focus on the lesson and live in the now, trust God with the rest. And as a whole, I know my mind is right in this tug of war and more in line with truth. Yes, the pain was intense and very very real but the lesson was learned and it is time to move forward. But I believe this tug of war is what makes “complete” healing a farce because this emotional component to us remains, and I may listen a million times to my mind tell me to let go of the past pain and poor decisions and that it is forgiven and behind me and just live and be here now (amazing advice, seemingly) but there will always be a once in a while feeling completely wash over me that I am now without these valuable people I loved dearly and it hurts to live without them when I loved living with them. Here is the rub. And I don’t believe there is a true resolution to this disconnect except for acceptance that is how it is and continuing the journey. I believe when Jesus comes, such things will resolve themselves. Until that time, it is how it is and I must do the best I can with the truth of God’s Word, prayer and continuation of the journey. It is tats the best solution. Love to you on your journey!

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