My Responsibility in My Pain

Most people won’t read this past the title. Modern psychobabble paints a world of ways we are not responsible for our behavior. People my age and younger seem oblivious to consequences for behavior and expect all good things for no effort. “Great things should always happen to me because I exist” seems to be the pervading ideology. And here I am waki g up at 42.5 heard of age and a revelation hit me square in the jaw and I feel such an immense empowerment from it, such a great sense of rightness, making more sense than anything before. Here it is…

I am responsible for everything bad that has ever happened to me. Since I was of age to make decisions for myself of my own volition, every decision since has brought me every measure of pain I have endured. Now, of course other people have their own responsibilities and that is there business and Daddy going off to Heaven was no one’s fault and some of those things hurt like crazy. But had I humbly obeyed to begin with, God would not have had to bring the hammer down to teach me that He is enough. God is enough. God is everything. He is to be praised and worshipped, not any other human or creature. God’s way is the only way to go for it leads to Him, all that truly matters long term. He is beauty, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, hope, salvation, Creator, etc. No one else on he planet, no matter how perfect they may seem, is anything next to God. By doing things my way because God gave me a strong will and sound mind and enormous heart, I fancied I knew a better way to get those things, through relationships I wanted. When your way differs from God’s way and He loves you, He will fight to teach you the lesson and get your head straight. And if you don’t pay attention with inconveniences, God will give you kicks or nudges, and then bigger tools until, if you are pigheaded like I was, God gives you excruciating pain and heartbreak to finally get you down on your knees before Him. This sounds mean but the opposite is true. He cares toomuch to just give up and send us to hell when this brief life is gone. He wants us saved and walking with Him here to eternity. 

So, knowing I am to blame, I then had to confess my initial and subsequent sins to God and ask His forgiveness. Then, and this is harder, I had to forgive myself. Then, in my case, the pain gets left behind and wonderful lessons and good memories (because there is always some) can move forward with me. This is my freedom!!!!

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