My Mental Status

People that actually love me were concerned about my mentality for a few minutes/months there when my world cam screeching to a hault. I had three people I loved to varying degrees die or die to me at a time. It was the deepest, darkest valley I have ever walked through, and I have been raped, had people die, moved across country alone, been homeless a little, had to walk to work many miles across town and so on. I felt this one hardest because it was incredibly deep meaningful people to me gone all of a sudden and a one that remained were attacking and criticizing me for having feelings about that. And for a while I must admit I was deeply depressed. That is saying something for a girl who had always fou d the best in things and who laughs for any reason at all or makes up a reason. I was shattered and broken, a real mess of a disaster. And I fell into a deep darkness. I had some people far away who loved me and my kids but I felt so very alone and crushed and hopeless. The bottom dropped out. And seriously, I adnm the nicest person I know. lol So, here the story gets good. I adnm this pathetic mess of a disaster and now I have a choice. Give up and stay depressed forever or allow the brokenness to lay me humbly before Jesus and ask Him to fix me. Do I didn’t ask because my words did not come. I cried for the billionth time and humbly looked up and said two words. Ready? “Jesus, help”. That was it. No one to hold, no one to see my tears, alone in my room and this is all I could muster. And you know what? It was enough. In two seconds, it felt like someone put arms around me and filled my heart with something better than what was there, I felt arms around me and I had to look again and make sure noone was there, it felt so real. I started healing right then and there. All of a sudden I felt like God’s little girl again. I felt life again. I laughed again. I mattered again. And the truth of it struck me immediately. Even if I am completely alone in this world, as long as I have Jesus, I am complete and rich beyond words. I truly need nothing but Him. So now I am stronger everyday and wiser. God is great.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s