Praying Alone in Pain

Having recently lost someone important forever, I was reminded how fragile it all is. How we can laugh one minute and be shattered again St the rocks the next. And tonight, trying to recover from the recent blow, I am informed that my good friend lost her fight tonight. The car who hit her was also unexpected but recovery had looked so close but God thought heaven was a better home for her. And I loved her too. Also tonight while visiting my beloved Daddy, he didn’t know me, has been eating very little and sleeping a lot, can’t stay upright in a wheelchair anymore. And I am wondering just how strong God believes that I am or need to be. Of course everyone in the house is asleep and as I sit alone in my room, I cry. No, I weep. My heart mourns in sorrow and groans in grief. I am just a human being. I feel deeply. I am ripped to shreds. Just how humble do you want me, Lord? I do not doubt You, for You know everything and always what is best for everyone somehow, so much more than we do, but I am doubting the strength You gifted me with. I am doubting I can take any more of it. I am wondering how You will rebuild my brokenness, heal my heart. I know You understand pain. I know people were taken from you too. I know you felt alone sometimes too. I am talking to You knowing you feel me, you get it but not knowing anything else. So here I am to hold, Jesus. You are my only arms right now, Lord. I feel so tiny, so unimportant and I know You probably have a plan I can’t see. Again, I trust You. I will just shut up now and hope You hold me, Jesus. I need you.

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