Time Alone

I have forced some just me time lately, not time being mommy or wife or friend or musician but just me. I determined that I needed that, going through some things lately in life, lots of loss and missing people and family back home and bff hurting and daddy declining in health, so many things. I don’t think alone time is selfish or greedy and can pretty much in my case keep me sane and better in every way. So I took some, insisted even. I found out some very interesting things. Turns out, when I spend time alone, I always impecibly end up spending time with God. The s out He loves me despite me being me and I felt that. Second thing is that I really like me. I know that seems odd but when so much goes on, it is easy to get unsure, I secure, feel really ugly and discarded, feel really really alone, and it was an amazing and refreshing energy that rebuilt my heart and I realized that the me that God made is still there shining. I am still there under it all. Not the me people see, so perfectly crazy (OK, so I added the perfectly part) and strong in consistency while sweet. I don’t mean that. I mean the inner core, the fighter, the artist, the leader, the thinker and inventor, the mechanic, the doctor and healer and scientist, the lover of people. I am still there. I am not less for my wear but deeper. I am stronger with experience a d not damaged from it. And I thought how very thankful I am that God allows me growth because so many count on me. If I always had great things happen, I could never ever achieve this depth. God seriously loves me and this is why He allows badness in my life and I follow like a little rabbit down a hole. He allows it not because He is mean but because He loves me so very much. He knows I respect and learn from that which breaks me. The strong willed, and no one is more so, require God’s intervention to tame and break and develop. You break a horse to make that horse fit for service and useful. Evidently I am the horse in my Analogy. Lol Should have thought that one through a little. Ha! Needless to say, friends of mine, if I am teetering on crazy, please send me away to be alone. It is far better therapy for me than anything else on the planet. Praise God He showed me that!! He is so good!!

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