Being actively involved in the process of my mom working through my dad’s illnesses, including dementia and strokes. Finances had to be changed, titles had to be changed, Power of Attorney had to be assigned, social security had to be worked through and with, daily tasks of caring for him before the nursing home had to be performed, and it was all I could do at times to keep breathing much less homeschool my kids and care for the dog. Then when mom broke her hip too, my mind is still recovering I think. It was constant, ruled my life or what there was of it, everyone suffered I normally cared for. Now that the nursing home is covering dad’s day to day care and meds, etc., there is more time to enjoy visiting him and less to break the back caring for him. I hated the nursing home idea at first but now I see its value. But the point is not all of this about nursing homes, the point is that unexpected things happen in life. Life is constantly in a state of flux and things happen. These things are sometimes tests, sometimes punishments it seems, sometimes horribly limiting for whatever reason and when all of these things happen, security is shaken. You become uncertain where you were once certain. You question whose name things are in, not because of wanting control but just in case things happen like they did to mom. What if becomes a big question, a genuine, serious question and not a hypothetical. You wonder what you can be sure of. You ask more security questions in other areas, other relationship. You want to know standing, understand meaning, know your place and significance. When you don’t receive answers, you instantly have a choice to make. No answer becomes no security just as certain as a day off is short. Security now, see, means so much more. There is weight to the supposition. There is reality that has been experienced. You have crashed already and do not wish to relive that crash if possible. So security in my life has taken on a whole new level. Safety and security and risks are all important aspects of a real workable life and I am necessarily needing these things. Without assurrances and answers, I now see an expedient withdrawal wise. Without security, I do not feel safe anymore. I never cared about that pre-crisis. I was content to fly by the seat of my pants and wing it most of the time, loving the freedom of that. Now, I need security above that, the importance of things has shifted. And I see that as a point of sadness at times but also as a point of maturity and thankfulness because I can learn and be taught and apply that to my life to make it better and help more people in return.