Screwing Up and Other Novelties I’m Good At

So, I have this bold and fearless chip in my brain God put there and at first I thought it was in addition to my functioning brain. Apparently that is not the case. It was in exchange for a part of my working brain that tells me maybe not to do something or say something. “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should” rings out in my head a lot lately, especially at Walmart. But I digress. You see, I do and then realize protocol was not followed. Sometimes that matters little. Other times, like several instances of late, it matters a great deal and can cause a considerable amount of damage and harm to pretty much everyone. It is amazing how many instances can never be undone. I love the line in Megamind where the bad guy genius Megamind says sorrowfully that he had looked into a reset button but the science is impossible. It would be beautiful to take things back, undo them, unsay them, do them better, say them better, be more clear. How perfect would that be! But alas, life is much less like a computer and more like an old fashioned typewriter, where mistakes may be covered but you can still see them forever. I am glad God forgives that way, choosing to forgive and forget wrongs when asked. I wish people were more like God in that way. It leaves one feeling like you are constantly having to guard everything, slipping into a ridiculous PC (politically correct not personal computer) rut. So, prevention is cure and I need to guard better how to ensure people are feeling loved in my circle, in my scope of experience and realm of nurturing. It is easy to let one’s guard down or forget other people in the mix of what is happening at the moment unintentionally and screwing up becomes easier sometimes than breathing. But a few moments of reflection prior to committing to a word or action can save much trouble in begging forgiveness. It is a novel thing to forgive. God thought of it first but when it happens here with people it is novel, seems very much like a big deal, like that person is the most generous person in the world where we should all be practicing it every chance we get. More novel is the art of forgetfulness. My daddy has dementia and is bedridden in a nursing home, bless his heart. He forgets and has peace from his forgetfulness. Things don’t plague him like they did, worries don’t bind his mind, troubles bounce off his heart because he has brain induced/illness induced forgetfulness. How peaceful and happy he is most of the time. How free of feeling trapped in his body being unable to get up and do this or that as he used to. He is blissful, thankful to be visited, happy to be fed, loved. It would be delightful to carry a little of that into our minds when we pleased, a selective ability to choose to forget wrongs done against us. What a relief that would be! But until people ask God for that grace for it to become a reality, I will probably continue to screw up and continue earnestly to try not to. And I would hope with all my heart that my people, my tribe would know my heart enough to feel loved and know that my screw ups do not reflect a cessation in love and care but a momentary carelessness I do try not to participate in but that finds me regardless. I love you more not less for putting up with my screwups. Thank you. Please forgive me and please try to forget. I will try to be worthy of this generosity and understanding.

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