Awkwardly Unexpected

I am a semi-retired (consults only) doctor of audiology who now homeschools my 2 children full time and helps care for a dying father (but now the nursing home does most of the care and my job is to visit and supervise care, etc.) and a mother who wants me as her only friend/servant instead of making friends where she lives. Also I play keys in two bands and write. So, I have a little to do in general on a given day. So, most days are surprisingly busy and I wonder at how I accomplished all of it sometimes and really attribute anything I actually finish to God giving me grace and strength for the day. But an awkward thing has happened to me. My son spent the night at the neighbor boy’s house and my daughter and husband went to bed very early and I am instantly alone with an almost supernatural reserve of energy. It is something that if it happened in the day, I would be a made woman, but at night after dark, it is awkward, a strange break, a moment I wish my best friend lived next door or something because we could chat over a glass of port and enjoy the moment. But as this is impossible at the moment, here I sit typing, wondering what I used to do in my spare time. The house is clean, so that’s out. Well, clean enough. lol I used to paint, either walls or canvases but I do not have paint for these walls yet and I can’t start oils I can’t finish for a while and would be in the way tomorrow with children. People are sleeping, so piano is out. I can read. I guess that is what I will do. I will read. And this entire thought process was unbelievably awkward. There must be some way you retain who you are in the midst of busily taking care of everyone else, which I do love. The danger of caring for everyone is that often you go uncared for. Giving away all the time you never get. And while that is fine most of the time, a sense of identity is often risked in the mix and thought needs to be taken into being the you you were meant to be when God put His breath into your lungs. He made everyone to be someone unique, beneficial, special, with certain gifts to use for His glory. Uniqueness is one of our gifts. And we must struggle to determine a way to retain that while giving and giving and caring and caring. So a goal of mine is to, when a moment of opportunity arises, step right into it without awkward hesitation and pick up where I left off on a goal or hobby or task that matches my giftedness. It should be natural, not a forgotten or awkward thing. Then I can remember what it was God made me uniquely able to do and be and bask in using that to worship Him and enjoy life. Good goal, I believe.

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