Unsolicited Advice on Pain/Grief

Having had many past and current personal experiences being hurt, grieved, wounded, torn, bitter, angry, left, abused, cheated on, etc. and having been the independent, strong one who was denied or who denied myself the discomfort of experiencing the emotions involved, I am distinctly qualified to give this unsolicited advice to you or whoever needs it. Feel the feelings. We were made with these complex emotions triggered by pain of various sorts and depths for a reason. We are healthiest when we emote, give in to it for a time (not forever). There is a humanity involved in feeling the pain, allowing the despair to catch you up for a while. Do not listen to the bad advice offered to stay busy or distracted or stop crying or chin up garbage people throw at you when you’ve gone through some sort of personal hell. They offer this advice either in ignorance of what to say (and they may mean well) of because they are uncomfortable with your pain because it looks a little bit too much like their pain they never faced. And I am about over addicts covering their pain in bursts with stimulants to not feel it. Like pain will kill you and drugs won’t. A little backwards there. Masking pain or distracting you from it or ignoring it does not make it go away, it prolongs it and gives it mastery over your life. You are pain’s victim, it’s prisoner until you embrace it and ride it out. Only then can it be transformed into new life. It must be faced. You either accept the pain or it rules your life until you do. God comforts the broken, those who mourn, those experiencing pain. Pain is hard because it is humbling. It is ugly. It hurts a lot. But there is comfort in it when God is called on for that. He always shows up there in the broken who call on Him. Every time. Faithfully. There is no comfort for the proud who think they can control their circumstances and natural emotions and deny God the right to be God and help. So my advice is to feel everything, embrace the pain, get some tissues and let it go, take a day in your jammies and a box of tissues, watch a sad movie, read a sad book, experience sadness, live the pain, journal, talk out loud. Find the strongest and rarest of all friends and the best people in the world, those with the gift of empathy. Ignore those who tell you to be strong for the others because they do not understand that the faster you embrace pain and call on God, the faster you achieve transition past it and can be extremely effective in helping others. The empathetic ones, those rare and incredibly beautiful and strong and wise people who have the gift of empathy will come alongside you when invited and give you freedom to cry and even cry with you. What luxury. What healing this brings! To be u derstood and loved is the most uniquely freeing and lovely thing in the world. Nothing gives you more power. Nothing enriches your life more. To feel is to be alive, to cry is to be human, to call out to your Creator is to be created. Pain is proof of life and produces personal growth and a richer life later. Do not deny yourself the experience.


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