Looking Out the Window

Body language studies (taught to me in many classes in my field of study) teach that people instinctively gaze out of or glance at exits or windows or doors when they don’t want to be there. When I visit Daddy at the nursing home, I want to see him but there are no chairs and he is too weak to get up into a chair to be wheeled somewhere for a visit, so paying attention to my body language, I find myself forcing myself not to look longingly out his window. I want him to feel I am happy and comfortable to be there. I am. I love visiting him. But I feel guilty when my eye draws to the window. Lately, my eye is drawn to windows a lot. Maybe a restless part of life, maybe hormones (hey, I am a woman, it is always a possibility), maybe I am desperate for a vacation. Regardless, my soul is uneasy. And it occurred to me that it has been some time in all of life’s craziness since I had a few hours of dedicated time for God and I, some time alone with my Maker, a chunk of time. I think I have lost sight of the balance in life between bad things, ugly things, evil around us, buziness, fatigue on one side and what on the other? God is the only goodness great enough to balance out the badness. My batteries need recharging. Badly. And it has to come from my Maker because He loves me biggest and best despite knowing me deepest. As my earthly Daddy declines in health, my Heavenly Daddy is capable of holding me tight in his place. I need to seek hat out, claim it, make it my goal. Nothing else in life is certain at all, especially now. God is certain. He never changes, never has bad days, never weakens, never misunderstands, never refrains from forgiving, never ignores me when I go to Him, is never too busy to talk to me, never lis to me, never even gives me half truths, never keeps secrets from me unlss for my good not His. God is the perfect One, the ruler and inventor of the universe, all we know. He has the answers. He has everything. And He has me. He sometimes feels like the only One who wants me but He’s the only One who needs to. He is enough.

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