The Waiting

I don’t remember asking God to teach me patience. I did that long ago and it was quite unpleasant. But I find myself nonetheless quite stuck in the middle of several waiting games of sorts. For a fast moving soul and mind, this is a very uncomfortable at times place to be. There is no action I can take to hasten any of these clocks. There is no cure, no instant fix, no way to change my circumstances, no solution I can work out except to wait. So I wait. And wait. And wait. And while I am waiting, my comfort level in the waiting decreases. I am quite uncomfortable. However, and this is vital, my waiting is purposeful and thus a very important task for me to perform to learn and grow. I accept this uncomfortable waiting in so many arenas because that is my present course of personal growth. I will continue to wait for God’s timing because He knows more than I do. When you push a rope, you get a whole lot of rope piled in a mess that isn’t useful to anyone. When you fight God’s (or anyone else’s) timing, you end up miserable in the long run. You may temporarily get what you want, but you lose the prize down the road. So, I choose to uncomfortably wait. I choose discomfort and growth in the now for the promise of better in the then. I believe this is wise. I believe it is the right course. I may fight now and again to still feel important and still matter and still be who I am in the waiting, but I will still wait. I may falter in nuances but not in substance. I may wish to feel better than I do at times in the wait but I will wait for that also. I may sometimes feel rejected, unappreciated, lost, abandoned, hurt, lonely, all these and more but I never walk alone. I am still God’s little girl. As such, waiting with Him is never without cause, without hope and without a deep level of peace way below my impatient spaces. I am beautiful and important, not because of me but because I was made by Him. I am important and worthy to be treated honorably and respectfully not because of me but because of Him. I am worth more than I am treated in the waiting because of Him. It is an understanding essential to survival through this dark wait. My mind roars on, my body pushes me relentlessly, my soul even longs for the waiting to be over but if God wills that I wait, I will to wait. My will and His Spirit will sustain me as I push through the wanting and waiting. And success will come someday. Waiting is not forever. It may seem like it but it is not. Or there would be no reason to wait. An end to the waiting is hope. I have to focus on that. I have nothing else and often no one else but God. And God is enough.

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