Day Stops Sometimes

There are moments sometimes where day just stops for a minute and becomes very very dark. You all of a sudden feel very very alone. You feel like everything good in life was removed from the planet. And then the next moment day returns and you feel like there is a chance for happiness. These emotions take on a life of their own and decide to play some psycho volleyball game of pain and peace back and forth. Missing someone is like that. Someone you thought you would always have at your reach, suddenly made to be out of reach. Suddenly missing from your life when you were able to share every moment possible before, now unable to share those moments, unable to talk through the day, unable to hold onto. Still in your heart deeply and still deeply felt with every thought. The moments of loss come and shadow. Then moments of the rest of life come in and give glimpses of peace and hope. Back and forth. Back and forth. This is how life is when you miss someone you love. Life is different. It changes you. The lack of contact with someone you love changes you. Not being able to share your day’s events and thoughts changes you. You still love them but you miss them. So, working on what to do with so much loss at once, there is only one hope. The hope is that God gives you more good memories than the bad missing thoughts, that good would overcome evil, that it already has. Hope is that because I am a child of God that He would surround me with peace and joy and get my attention slowly off the sadness and into His peace, that His gentle whisper would drown out the screaming sadness, that love prevails and destroys the sadness, that joys of life from Him gain more importance than my own momentarily dark thoughts. Feeling deeply is not for the faint of heart. It hurts.

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